Any Way but Back
by MyPetMaccready
Summary: This story follows my Sole Survivor as he and MacCready deal with their emerging feelings for one another despite both being formerly straight men with wives. This story will have sex scenes, but is not pure smut.
1. Any way but back: Chapter 1

The apocalypse changes a man, even if the apocalypse happened over 200 years ago. I'm a thawed out relic from a bygone time. MacCready likes to introduce me (in all the bravado he can muster if he's been drinking) as "Elliot Kavinsky! The man time forgot!" I thought I'd crawled out of that vault into hell the day I woke up. Not much has changed since then, I thought, as I lay back to back with my companion in these cramped quarters, taking turns peeing in the beer bottles scattered about us. When one would fill up we'd chuck it out and yell curses at the group pinning us down. This was humorous at first, but quickly became tiresome. We were almost completely out of supplies and as I tossed the latest bottle of piss away I wondered if we would regret not keeping them to drink. The fact that we could see our extra pack of supplies a few yards away really poured salt in our wounds.

The sun would be going down soon. It had been around a day and a half since we set out on our current job and here we were pinned down by gunners- tightly stuffed into a ticket booth already half filled with stinking debris as cover. On top of it all I had a bullet wound in my leg that just kept slowly oozing. It hurt like hell and the bandages were soaked. MacCready was of course furious at the fact that gunners had us in such a state. "If they didn't have rocket launchers I'd of already taken them all out myself," he winged. He really hates his former comrades and who could blame him?

The hours were dragging on painfully slow. As I lie listening to the gunners having a meal around the corner, laughing, and the steady sound of MacCready breathing as he rested I found my hand drawn to my pocket and feeling for the little toy soldier this mercenary had given me. His wife had carved it for him...before she died. I slowly tried to reposition myself without waking MacCready, took the soldier out of my pocket, and continued to turn it over in my hand. I couldn't understand why he gave it to me.. this token that had to mean so much to him. Of course I had helped him substantially in the past, but look at us now. I took this job and got us in this situation. He had already given me back my payment to him. I guessed he would leave if we made it out of this alive. A shame as we'd built up quite the reputation...I'd miss the guy. "Stupid sentiment," I muttered aloud.

MacCready half rolled over and looked at me like I'd killed his dog. "Kav do you need something?" I quickly froze and felt my face grow warm. "What's with you?" He asked. "You're not getting a fever from that gunshot are you?" For some reason I was relieved he couldn't see the soldier in my hand. "Ah..yeah I feel kinda woozy," I replied. He lifted his arm to check my wound and time stopped as we both stared in horror. His whole arm was soaked in my blood. The familiar darkness and deafening silence began to wash over me.

"God Kav…we have to get out of here- look how much blood you're losing...this is so bad!"

Everything sounded so far away. I fumbled to put the soldier in my pocket. Guess I really was woozy. Darkness enveloped me and I knew no more.


	2. Any way but back: Chapter 2

Water...dripping.

So hot. Burning up.

Suddenly the world rushed at me through a bursting tunnel of light and sensation. My heart was racing. I heard myself mumble a name I'd tried to forget. "Victoria." As my vision came into focus I found myself face to face with the little wooden soldier staring at me from a bed stand. It had blood on it and the base was chipped a little. Completely disoriented I began to sit up, but winced in pain as lightening shot through my right leg. I glanced back over at the soldier and noticed a scrap of paper with pencil markings on it. The handwriting was a nightmare, but I could make out enough to know MacCready had written it and was saying he would be back soon. The mercenary hadn't left after all. Getting a whiff of myself I realized how absolutely filthy I felt and had the irresistible urge to clean off.

Ever so slowly I leveraged myself to a sitting position to look around. I recognized this place. I was in Kellogg's old hovel in Diamond City. Disgust washed over me. Why the fuck was I here of all places? I was in the hidden safe room- it had been converted to a makeshift bedroom and I was shut inside. "Fucking hell MacCready." He must have had a good reason.

I continued to study the room and noticed a very large wash tub filled with murky water and bloody rags hanging on the rim. I looked down at my wound and the dressing was actually pretty clean, unlike the rest of me. Did he do all this? I decided that even if the water looked a little nasty I smelled worse and started the long hobble to the tub. I slowly stripped down to my underwear and threw my reeking, tore up clothes to the side. As I pulled myself up off the bed I knocked into the bed stand and the little soldier fell to the ground. "Oh man, I'm going to break this thing and I'll never live it down." Just as I was bending to pick it up the false wall started to open. I began to internally panic and froze there, mid stoop, holding that damn soldier and in nothing but my underwear. It didn't even matter who was opening the wall- this was about to be embarrassing.

There MacCready stood, not too far from my bed, with a cigarette hanging from his mouth and a ridiculous look on his face.

"Boy oh boy Kav...I leave for a few hours and look what I come back to," MacCready said with a half cocked smile. "You really like that little soldier I gave you, huh?" He furrowed his brow at me. "Why the hell are you walking around in your skivs playing with tiny soldiers? You really had me worried."

I could feel my face growing red. There was no hiding it. I stammered "Oh ah..I just..I just knocked it down is all." I frowned a little. "I know it means a lot to you." I couldn't believe how embarrassing this was. At the same time I felt my leg giving way. One can only freeze standing in place for so long when their muscle is shredded from a bullet. I fell straight down- hard- half on the bed and half on the floor.

MacCready quickly paced over to the bed and roughly helped the rest of me up on the bed. "AH Jesus fuck!" I yelped. "Elliot seriously, what were you doing?" he asked. "I just went out to get us some food and clean water to redress your bandages." I was honestly a little pissed at this point. Maybe not at MacCready himself, but this whole situation was making me furious. I tried to speak evenly. "I just wanted to clean up a little, I smell like shit." He smirked again. "Yeah, you have been out for almost four days Kav. You're a little ripe."

"Four days!? What the hell did those bastards shoot me with!?" I demanded. "He looked pretty serious. "I pulled a .50 cal out of your leg Kav- I can't even tell you how much blood you lost. I really thought you were done." I was taken aback. "Can you just help me to the damn tub?" He frowned again. "What do you want me to do? I carried your ass all the way back here and now you want a sponge bath?" I felt my blood boiling. Why was I so mad? He didn't have to help me like this. There's a doctor right in town for Christ sake. We both fell silent and just kind of sat there.

My heart was racing. I needed to calm down. I looked at MacCready-really looked at him. I watched as he kneaded his shoulder and winced. I began to think. This guy is a fair shot smaller than I am..wirey little dude. I mean…he has some muscle to him, but damn- he carried me all the way back here from the theater? "What are you the Hulk?" I asked softly. He raised an eyebrow at me. "The hell is the Hulk, Kav?" Ah yes, yet again I make a reference lost to time. Guess he hasn't found any Hulk comics yet. I could feel my heart rate slowing. "Oh jeez, no one man." He straightened up a little. "By the way…I'm real sorry to bring you back to this place, but well...we have no caps and we needed a safe place to heal you up."

My eyes were at him like lasers. "What do you mean we have no caps?" MacCready ground out his cigarette on the bottom of his shoe and flicked it away. "You think I carried you out of that theater on my shoulder guns blazing?" He looked a little irritated. "I don't think even I could manage something that amazing."

I propped myself up so I could see him better. "Oh? What did you do?"

He looked like he couldn't decide if he was proud or devastated. "Well.." he sighed. "Those idiot gunners we ran into hadn't gotten word of what we did to my former crew." Now he definitely looked proud of himself as he straightened his cap. "I made a bargain with those idiots." He paused as he let that sink in for me. "You were gonna die Kav- I had no choice...I told them I'd pay them all our caps if they let us walk out."

My stomach sank. "They seriously agreed to that?" I asked. "The gunners I know would just kill us and take the caps anyway." MacCready couldn't look me in the eyes. "Well, you see, I told them we had a huge stash of caps back in Diamond City and we would meet and give it to them." Oh man. "We don't have a stash of caps." I said softly. "I know, that's the other reason I had you in this room. We were supposed to meet them 2 days ago and they said they'd kill us if we didn't show up." Fuck. "You're telling me you got even more gunners pissed with you- after I just took care of the others for you?" This look crept up on MacCready's face. One I had never seen on him before. He looked genuinely hurt.

I found myself watching as he got up and walked out into the other room, hanging his head lower than I had ever seen him hang it. My heart hurt as he disappeared around the corner. I felt like trash. He did anything he could think of to save my life. He even got himself right back into trouble when he had just crawled out of it. I was still holding the soldier, gripping it. "This is bullshit." I muttered as I lay where MacCready left me. I really needed to get a handle on my emotions. They've been nothing short of a disaster since I woke up in that vault and my only friend was probably about to leave because of it.

As I sat there looking at that wooden soldier, brooding over my stupidity, MacCready walked back into the safe room with a big bucket of clean water hanging from each hand. He sat them down next to the tub, and then carried the tub outside. A few minutes later he returned with the empty wash tub and a towel. I just kept staring at him. What was he doing? I had just been such a dick to him. MacCready shuffled over to the bed and silently, almost gingerly took the soldier from my hands and placed it on the stand. He looked down at me and stretched his hand out to help me up and then he put my arm over his shoulder to walk me to the tub. He dipped his fingers in one of the buckets and then he lowered me into the wash basin. "You probably want to leave those undies on," he remarked as he began to slowly pour the buckets into the tub with me. The water was hot! I groaned with all the bravado I could muster. "I haven't had a hot bath in 200 years!" I joked.

I caught him with a bemused look on his face as he left every once and a while and came back with more heated up water to pour in with me. The last thing he brought was a bar of soap. "This was in your pack on our last little excursion," he quipped as he tossed it into the tub with me. The sight of me had to be hilarious: stuffed into that tub with my legs hanging out. I was still in a lot of pain, but damn this felt good. Better than anything I could ever imagine. I lay there soaking it all in as MacCready sat with his back to me, slowly dragging on a cigarette. I noticed a full size mirror near the tub and saw my reflection. My mind began to wander back to Victoria. She had been my wife…and Kellogg had murdered her while I watched helplessly from a cryo pod. I shook the memories out of my head and studied my face. My hair had turned grey when I emerged from my long sleep. I look quite a bit older than I am, only 26. What did it matter anyways? Most people who had heard of me didn't want to come near me. I freaked them out. A glimpse of MacCready slightly looking over his shoulder at me snapped me back from my thoughts. "Uhhh, excuse me Mac, can I help you?" I said a little tauntingly.

This time MacCready was blushing. He quickly looked away and took a puff of his cigarette, slowly blowing it out of his nose. "You've never called me that before.." the merc said. "I was just making sure you're still conscious Mr. fainter." He stared to the side out the entry - presumably at the window across the way. I found myself studying him again. I had never noticed how blue his eyes were. He had also taken his hat off, revealing a full head of mussed up brown hair. My hair used to be brown. "You know," he said, "you're pretty fu-..darn heavy." He turned around partway in his chair. "Now if you promise to behave I'll come over there and help you out of the tub." I guess I'd been in the water long enough. I hated to let the sensation of warm water go. I was still far too woozy to feel too much modesty at this point, but I still felt a little weird having him help me out of the tub in my soaked underwear.

Before long I was dried off and back in bed again. I glanced up and caught a quick glimpse of the toy soldier before the world went black to me again.


	3. Any way but back: Chapter 3

I could see her face, filled with terror. My heart almost exploded with grief as I watched that man shoot my wife...shoot my wife and take our child. I could feel the sensation of being more lost than anyone could ever be. I was crawling on the floor. Crawling past icy sarcophagi all complete with the dead eyes of humanities past- staring at me, mouths agape. I could feel my body struggling to come to terms with the complete shock it was experiencing. Shapes blurred in and out of focus. So disoriented. I could see myself walking out of my old neighborhood, still in my vault 111 jumpsuit. I'm sobbing, absolutely sobbing and broken down. I feel like my chest is going to burst as it heaves uncontrollably.

The world begins to shake around me. Let it kill me.

"Elliot!? Elliot are you ok!? Wake up!"

Things began to blur into focus. MacCready was there, his face a few inches from mine and he was shaking me. He looked so concerned. He even looked to have tears in his eyes. My body was still heaving and my pillow was wet under my head. I tried to slow my heart as he kept gripping my shoulders. "What's going on?" I asked weakly. "You're asking me!?" He exclaimed. "Kav I've never seen anyone that fucked up, awake or asleep."

I knew he must be serious if he was cursing. I wiped my nose with the back of my hand. "I was dreaming...I was dreaming about her...and about the vault." I said so quietly I wasn't sure he heard me. "MacCready I...I'm sorry. You don't need to see stuff like this..." I was still shaking a little. He had let go of my shoulders and was just sitting on the bed next to me. He reached for the blanket behind us and with a gesture I wasn't expecting at all. He quickly wrapped it around me and patted my shoulder. "Listen Kav." MacCready ever so slightly put the tips of his fingers on my leg and looked down at his feet. "I can't imagine what you're going through; even if I saw my wife die too...this world must be tearing you apart."

I didn't know what the hell was going on. Why was he being so soft with me? This freaking idiot; he's done enough for me already. I pushed the blanket and MacCready's hand off of me at the same time. In one quick, fluid movement he pushed me back and pinned my wrists against the wall above my head. I averted my eyes from his, but I could feel him staring at me. "What the hell man?" I grunted at him. "I'm trying to help you Elliot. You need to let me help you." I brought my gaze up to his. His blue eyes looked so pained. He kept speaking. "When I lost my wife...I had no one…no one to help me. I had my son to try and care for and that was my world. He couldn't console me." He let my wrists go and I slowly lowered my arms to my lap. "I know I don't understand the world you came from, but I understand loss." He threw his arms up. "I don't know. I just can't stand to see you like this! I see myself and how lost I've been; how lost I still am. Hell, you still wear your wedding ring Kav."

This man continued to surprise me. Something in him was changing. He was still the same old sarcastic, cynical MacCready, but he was becoming so much softer around the edges when we were alone; when I was in pain. No one had ever talked to me in such a sincere manner. I wanted to believe him, but hell, I've never had many friends. Everyone always has an angle. I slowly twisted the wedding ring around my finger, fiddling with it. I caught his eyes with mine and he darted his away, putting his hands on his knees and frowning.

"Kav, we'll get you all healed up and then we'll go take out those gunners. Hell, we'll tear apart their whole gang if we have to AND we'll take all THEIR caps," he blurted out. As quick as he'd made this statement he'd gotten up and was getting everything together to redo my leg bandages. I let out a long and exasperated sigh.

I found myself staring at him as he stooped over to sift through a dresser drawer; the wooden soldier standing watch before him atop the bureau. He used to never take his beat to shit duster off, but ever since I was shot he's always left it hanging on the wall next to my leather bomber jacket. He still always wears that hat though. The day I woke up from being shot was the only time I'd ever seen him without his hat.

I continued to daydream as he dug through the dresser. "Where the heck did I put those bandages?" He grumbled. I found myself feeling a bit better as I watched him rummaging. Something in me felt strange. He just kept bending over, his butt stuck in the air. This familiar warmth was creeping up my legs...and into my groin. "Woah woah woah!" I yelled at myself in my head. What the fuck was this. I quickly turned my head away from MacCready in embarrassment and pulled the blanket onto my lap. What the heck had gotten into me? It must be from waking up. Not a moment later he was heading back to the bed with bandages and vodka.

"I must be red...why am I so embarrassed?" I thought. He gave me a bit of a sideways look as he started to pull the blanket off my lap. I tugged the blanket back towards me. "Can we change my bandages a little later?" I asked. "I'm still feeling pretty shook up." MacCready let go of the blanket and sat down on a stool next to the bed, bandages and vodka on his lap. "I guess," he said. "Just remember it's only been a few days and we need to keep that wound clean." Why was this happening? I could feel myself at least half mast below the blanket. I had thought I'd lost pretty much all sexual drive after being frozen. This was maybe the second hard on I had gotten since waking up in the vault. It felt good to know the darn thing still had the potential to work though.

"Well, I was going to use the vodka to clean your wound out, but want to have a drink instead?" He reached his hand out toward me with the bottle and gave it a few little shakes. I couldn't even focus on what he was saying to me. He was saying some stupid shit about drinking me under the table and forgetting about my dream. I focused on willing my erection away- mustering everything I could to just make it go limp.

Next thing I know he's plopping down on the bed next to me with the drink and some shot glasses, putting his arm around my shoulder. "It's already evening anyways Kav; you slept the whole day away. I know vodka is one of your favorites" Could he…sense what was going on and he's torturing me because he thinks it's funny?

I literally felt like I was going insane. The moment I felt human contact my erection was back and raging. It hurt..really bad. When was the last time my body had an orgasm? My life had become one giant series of awkward events. All I could do was ignore it and hope it goes away; MacCready sure wasn't going to let up on this whole drinking thing. I narrowed my eyes and snatched a glass from him. "Nobody drinks me under the table, even if I have a bullet hole in me. Pour me a shot big mouth."


	4. Any way but back: Chapter 4

I awoke with a jolt to complete darkness. I had the sensation of back in the old days when the power had gone out in your house and you wake up in the middle of the night, no alarm clock, no anything to light the room. You've lost all track of time and feel completely disoriented. That's how this felt. I moved my good leg and heard shot glasses quietly "tink" as I jostled them on the bed. I heard the sound of a bottle fall to the hard floor and roll away, then a very quiet groan next to me.

My brain caught up with what had happened earlier as I felt MacCready roll over next to me and drape his arm over my stomach. The little bugger had challenged me to a drinking match and I'm not even sure who won. I told him he had to take his hat off for a whole day if he lost. We must have both just blacked out right where we had been sitting because both our legs were halfway off the end of the bed. My head was swimming and I was definitely still drunk. We must not have passed out too long ago since it was still dark.

As I lie there I felt his arm on my stomach and I drunkenly recalled how concerned he was for me earlier. I still couldn't grasp why he was making so much effort, especially while in this sorry state, but the thought moved something in me. I had the urge to just keep drinking; to just drink all these questions out of my skull. Groping beside the bed through the darkness my hand met with one of the other bottles of liquor Mac had grabbed earlier on. I propped myself up partway and took a large gulp of it as his arm fell to my side. I had found the bottle of rum. I continued to take swigs of the drink and eventually began to poke MacCready in the arm with the bottle. I frowned to myself as he barely stirred. Well, he is smaller than me. "He's probably still trashed," I bluntly said aloud.

For a moment I thought I had woke him up. He mumbled something incoherently and I found myself moving my head closer to his. His hat was off. Maybe I did win. He continued to mumble, or maybe I was just too drunk to understand him. Either way he sounded kind of upset. I moved my ear near him and hit me like lightning: he was mumbling for me not to go. Was that really what he was saying? I slowed my breathing and listened closer.

"Please Elliot…don't go away…I can't go back. Not alone. Not alone." Mac was whimpering. A feeling came over me I can't describe. I hesitantly put my arm around him and pulled him all the way up into the bed with me, keeping my arm around his waist. I had no fucking clue what was happening right now, but I just went with it. He went silent for a few moments and then he began to mumble sadly to himself again. "El…liot, not again. No." My drunken heart couldn't take this. I figured he was going to ditch me and all this time he was terrified of me leaving him alone again. My addled mind tried to process this. I found myself scooting closer to him and holding him even more tightly. We both reeked of booze, but he was so warm, even hot. My whole body was tingling.

MacCready stirred a little and quietly said my name, but did not wake. The way he said my name made me feel warm, like before. This time I didn't fight it. I didn't have the will to. I felt my dick bulge against my pants as it grew hard. Mac was brushing ever so slightly against it and the sensation was unbelievably strong. My erection pulsed against his leg like a slow, erratic heartbeat. I could feel his breath against the front of my neck. This and every sensation I was feeling was heightened and climbing. Was this right? Even as drunk as I was I could feel how pivotal this moment was. I was far too drunk to really think on this now, but I knew this had to mean something. I couldn't get an erection to save my life since the vault and I just got two in one day.

The rum was really hitting me now. I didn't even know how the hell I could have such a raging boner while being completely trashed. I moved my head slightly closer to his and the room began to spin. MacCready stirred again and this time I froze. I was terrified of how he'd react to this closeness, to me holding him. This was blind territory for me. I bit my lip as he stirred once more. I was completely breathless; I wondered if I should move away from him. He said my name again and was silent.

This was agonizing. What was I supposed to do? The world around my continued to spin as I shuffled myself a little higher up in the bed, moving my cock off of his leg and near his stomach. My body instantly ached to have contact with my penis again, but I stayed where I was-my arm draped over him and my feet tangled with his. This time he stirred to consciousness. I froze and held my breath again as I felt him try to orient himself, holding his head up off the bed slightly. The silence in the room was almost unbearable. I braced myself for him to push me off, for violence of some sort, for him to yell.

Instead he put his free arm around me and pulled himself closer to me. As he did this he scooted his head under my chin. One or both of us was trembling. Somewhere in my brain I was thankful for how dark it was. We both just lie there, drunk and silent. I felt his breath even closer to my neck now, hot and slightly erratic. My dick was reveling in the sensation of his stomach up against it and I couldn't take much more of this stalemate. My complete failure to act sickened me and as I lay there beginning to panic he softly placed his lips against my neck. He just rested them there, nothing more. My mind was racing, questioning what he was doing.

The feeling of his lips on my neck brought the spinning darkness to a fever pitch. My cock pulsed out of control against his stomach as he slowly, lightly moved his lips like he was saying something. If he was, no sound came out. I wasn't sure he knew what he was doing, but it felt amazing. I hadn't had human contact in so long, so very long. I thought this alone might make me come. I found myself losing control, but I was too terrified to do anything. This was too foreign, yet too familiar. It stopped me in my tracks and I had nowhere to go.

Everything began to spin faster around me and for a brief moment I noticed from the corner of my eye that the sun was becoming a sliver on the horizon out the far window. Those lips were driving me mad. Everything blurred and I saw darkness again.


	5. Chapter 5

Like when I awoke the previous day, I was totally disoriented. I was staring up at the ceiling and my head was splitting in pain. I let out a light groan and shifted my head to the left. There was Mac, still passed out. As I watched him sleep the night before came rushing back to me and I could feel myself turn completely red. Just as this was hitting me I caught something at the edge of my vision. MacCready's shirt was pulled partway up past his stomach and bright crimson stood out in stark contrast to the white bandages wrapped around his midriff. I completely forgot about my embarrassment and shot up in bed. "What the fuck?" I said aloud as I moved closer to the bandages for a better look. They were almost completely soaked in blood. I began to shake MacCready's shoulder, but he didn't even stir.

"Oh God, MacCready," I said as my heart began to pound out of control. I looked around the bed for the bandages he had pulled out last night and grabbed a now almost empty bottle of vodka. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," I blurted out. "Wake the fuck up Mac." I began to pull the bloody bandages off his wound. It looked pretty bad. He had a very large wound with other smaller ones peppered around it. I guessed it was from a shotgun blast. All of the gashes were sewn shut and it looked to be done by a professional, but a lot of them looked pretty infected. Almost unsurprising considering how dirty he was. I began to bite my lip as I glanced back up at MacCready, still unconscious, mouth wide open. I dumped some vodka onto a bandage and pressed it onto the largest wound. With this act MacCready gasped loudly as he lifted his head and opened his eyes.

It was a relief to see him awake, but I yelled at him not to get up. He was still bleeding and all this movement was making it even worse. He was breathing heavily and his brow was sweaty as he lay back down. I continued to clean and dress his wounds. "Mac…just what the hell is this all about?" I asked. He didn't reply so I finished what I was doing in silence, lifting him up and wrapping a long bandage around his body. When I was done I sat down on the bed near his head and put my hand on his forehead. He was burning up.

I was feeling a little perturbed, but mostly worried. "MacCready, please tell me how you got shot; when did this happen?" I asked. I was practically begging, but part of me wanted to hide how concerned I really was. He turned his head away from me and sighed heavily. I hung my head a little and said "let me get some water." I got back up and headed to the other room. I drank a glass and then I came back to the bed and held the cup to his mouth. "You need to drink this Mac." I said earnestly. He took a few gulps and then he took the cup from me and finished it. As I took the cup back from him he began to speak.

"Elliot…I didn't want you to find out," he said. I asked him what he meant. He looked up at me into my eyes. "The Gunners would have never made a deal with us- like you said Kav." I was dumfounded. "You were passed out for quite a while before we got out of that theater," he said.

"So you never paid them any caps?" I asked.

MacCready balled his hands into fists at his side. "I threw you over my shoulder and ran you the hell out of there the moment night fell," he said. I stared at him with my mouth open. "You did what?"  
He looked completely serious. "They caught me in the side with a shotgun as I ran through to the doors...the blast almost hit you, but I turned in time." He coughed and wiped the sweat from his forehead. "I spent most of our money on getting us stitched back together and paying off guards so we could squat here."

My head throbbed as I continued to silently stare at him, trying to process what he was telling me. After what felt like forever I furrowed my brow at him, "why would you do that? Why didn't you just leave me Mac?"  
He put his hand where his wounds were and kept his eyes locked with mine. "Don't you get it Elliot?" He said quietly. "I didn't care if I died trying to save you. If I'd lost you in that theater I may as well have died there with you anyways." He reached over and took my hand in his. "I wanted to take care of you, help you heal up. I didn't want you to worry about me," he said with a rasp. "I didn't want you trying to run around before you were better either…so I made that story up." He looked forlorn, maybe embarrassed, like he was waiting for me to beat his ass. The guy honestly looked like he was going to pass out.

I was completely overwhelmed. Releasing my hand from his I turned and buried my face in my hands to hide the tears forming in my eyes. "You fucking idiot." I said quietly. "Were you just ignoring your own injuries then?" I turned my face to him. "You know, if you die I'm back on my own again too."

For a moment we just quietly looked at each other. I had tears trickling down my face, my head was a cacophony of thuds, and I felt emotionally and physically exhausted. Mac raised his eyebrows and bunched his lips to the side in an almost sarcastic manner. "At least we'll both have some cool new scars?" He half grinned and continued to look into my eyes; I realized I was becoming more comfortable with looking into his. He began to try and scoot up in the bed, wincing in pain. I pulled myself up off the bed and helped him prop up against a few pillows. "I guess I get to help you out now," I said. "You bled all over the damn bed though, you animal," I softly chuckled as I wiped the tears from my eyes. I hadn't cried since the day I walked through my burned out neighborhood.

MacCready grabbed my arm and pulled me down next to him with surprising strength. "You little shit- you coulda sat up yourself," I smirked and leaned back on some pillows. We just sat there in silence for a few minutes. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the quiet, trying to calm myself. "Kav?" He said quizzically. "When you first saw me, what made you hire someone like me?" God, why is he asking me stuff like this now? "You're delirious MacCready; you need to rest." I said in response.  
"No really, why did you hire me?" He asked again woozily. "I don't have the best rep." He sounded pretty out of it; I wished he would rest and not talk about stuff like this.

I couldn't look him in the eyes, but I told him, "when I stumbled across you in that dirty bar…I didn't know anyone…and there you were offering to watch my back the moment we met. Even if it was for caps that was the closest thing to a friend I had at that moment." I turned and looked at him with the corners of my eyes. "I know that's pathetic, but I was so lost." I frowned as I spoke.

Mac laid his hand on my leg, very lightly, and then he moved his hand to mine and interlaced our fingers. This felt so good, so familiar. His hand was rough, but warm.

Fuck it. I scooted closer to him and rested my head on his shoulder. He made a little noise like he was surprised and I could feel him hold his breath. He began to slowly caress my fingers with his and I felt my heart begin to race. He took his arm and put it back behind my shoulders and began to stroke my hair. I let out a quiet sigh. "That feel good?" He asked. As I was about to say yes, he turned his head and looked me in the eyes. "Kav, I'm sorry I scared you. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to go back to the way things were…back when I was wandering around alone." He lightly put his nose to mine and continued to play with my hair, massaging the tender spot where your head meets your neck. I felt like I was in a trance. "I'm not going anywhere," I breathed. He moved his lips ever so close to mine, just barely touching. "Promise me?" He muttered quietly. "I swear."

He pulled his head back just enough to look into my eyes, his own just barely darting back and forth as he stared. He looked relieved. With his hand behind my neck he gently pulled me toward him and nuzzled his nose next to mine. Slowly planting tiny kisses near my lips he said almost giddily, "I can't believe you really like me." His movements began to slow and his breathing was getting heavier. I figured he must be exhausted and I was still worried about his wounds. I pressed my forehead to his. "Hey," I said, "come on and let's take a nap." I could see that he was way ahead of me on that front as he began to doze off while he leaned against me. I sat there for a long moment, just letting the feeling of someone being close to me soak in.

I moved him back against the pillows and pulled the covers up over him. He stirred and mumbled to me- asking me not to leave. I put my hand on his shoulder. "Sure Mac." I couldn't help but grin to myself a little. The sun was already setting again, so I lit a few candles and figured I better go relieve myself. When I came back he was already softly snoring. I quietly sat on the edge of the bed and watched over him as he slept. I was exhausted myself, but I couldn't stop playing out everything that had just happened in my head. Never in a million years did I see myself where I am now, post-apocalyptic world aside. I felt like none of this was real. Everything that has happened since the vault has been a completely new experience for me. This was no different. I couldn't see any reason to stop it from playing out. This new world was terrifying, but at the same time completely liberating. I could be, do and feel anything I wanted. This was a new life, a new beginning for me.

My brain couldn't handle anymore deep thought and my stomach growled loudly. Not only was I hung over, but neither of us had eaten in a day. This type of thing had become more common lately anyways. I'd just sleep through the hunger. I took in one last long look at MacCready as he slept and then I crept under the blankets next to him. For the first time since I crawled out of that stinking vault I felt at ease. I caught a glimpse of the wooden soldier dancing in the candle light, then placid darkness.


	6. Chapter 6

The sun was just starting to peek over the horizon when I blinked my eyes open. It was nice to see it. Until yesterday we had been keeping the safe room door shut, but now that I knew no one was coming to kill us shutting it didn't seem necessary. I looked over at MacCready. He was still passed out with one of his legs hanging off the bed. I thought back to all the times I'd woke him up for jobs in the past. He was almost always in some weird position on his bed, mouth wide open, limbs draped randomly. The thought made me smile… and it dawned on me I hadn't really been smiling since I found myself awake in vault one eleven. I shook my head and frowned, almost disallowing myself to dare such a thing. Getting out of bed I hobbled around to MacCready's dangling leg, pulling it up onto the bed for him. This didn't seem to stir him at all.

Gently shaking Mac's shoulder I told him to wake up in a low voice. I figured I better have a doctor look at his wounds- probably mine too while we were at it. He made a little groaning noise and winced a little, but didn't open his eyes. He mumbled something about being really hot. I wondered how he was even talking to me last night and as thoughts of our conversation came to me I felt a bit embarrassed, but also kind of excited. I found myself hoping all of that wasn't just MacCready being delirious…but hell; maybe it would be better that way. We're a couple of walking disasters. I still couldn't help but stare at him for a moment. As my mind began to wander I forced myself to snap out of it and give the current situation the attention it needed. MacCready may have been talking and seemingly half coherent last night, but he could end up in serious trouble if we didn't take care of this infection.

It dawned on me that to see a doctor I would need caps. I began to scan the room; did we have any caps left? Where would Mac have put them? He's a sneaky little bastard and could have hid them anywhere. As I looked around, my eyes stopped on his duster hanging on the wall across the room. I glanced at the painting of a moose near where the jacket hung. What was with people in the Commonwealth and moose pictures? I figured his jacket was good a place as any to start looking and slowly made my way over to it. I was starving at this point and felt so sluggish. It was like a strange mix of lethargy and urgency mingling inside me and it was quite uncomfortable. As I stood looking at his duster hanging next to my bomber jacket I briefly realized how much smaller Mac's shoulders are than mine. His attitude has always made him seem larger than life. I brushed my hand across the duster and pulled it down to inspect it.

My leg was already starting to ache so I sat in a chair nearby and spread the duster across my lap. I flipped it a few different ways on my lap and realized it didn't have any outer pockets, so I began to check the inside lining. I found a deep pocket pretty quickly and reached inside. My hand met with a pouch and I pulled it out. Ah, it was my black leather pouch I had scavenged the day I left that vault; it felt light, but it still had a little weight to it. Spilling its contents into my free hand I counted around 20 caps...not very many, but better than nothing. Luckily I'm pretty good at haggling. MacCready's cheap ass had taught me to save every cap I could. Something in me wanted to check for other pockets. I couldn't resist the urge to peek through his jacket- I may never get this chance again I figured.

The other side of the duster had a second deep pocket inside and I slowly, guiltily reached down into it. My hand brushed across some bullets; that's no surprise. I felt a spoon, a pack of cigarettes, and a lighter- then I felt some folded paper. Hmmm…I wondered if I should be invading his privacy like this, but my curiosity was piqued. I pulled the paper out and immediately recognized it as I unfolded it. When I had met and hired MacCready I had stupidly insisted on writing up a contract. He had looked at me like I was absolutely insane, but said if I was paying he didn't care what I wanted to do. It was all so ridiculous looking back. What the hell would I had done with this piece of paper had he broken our agreement? I shook my head and looked the paper over. I was actually pretty surprised to see the thing considering I'd torn it in half and left it on the counter of an abandoned hotel we'd hunkered down in one night. Mac had given me my caps back that day- not soon after I'd helped him get that serum for his son. I felt a little twinge in my heart as I thought about Duncan, but quickly pushed the thought out of my mind. The contract was taped back together- duct tape carefully cut in small strips and holding the pieces together on the back. "That idiot," I said quietly as I slowly exhaled. I gave the paper one more glance. His signature was definitely something to behold. I guess they don't teach cursive these days.

I had gotten side tracked enough. I folded the contract back up and carefully put it where I'd found it, hung the duster back up, and then I began to get into some cleaner clothes. As I dressed myself I wondered what I should do with MacCready. I was certainly in no shape to carry his ass to see Doctor Sun, but I doubted 20 caps would buy a house call. On top of that we weren't even supposed to be in this shack. What a predicament. I glanced over at his still form on the bed and my mind began to race for an answer. Maybe I could get some antibiotics. I had no idea if stimpaks worked for this type of thing, but I sure knew antibiotics would do the job. I wished MacCready was in good enough shape to walk to see the doctor with me. It would be way easier to get the doc to check his wounds if Mac was already there looking like hell right in front of him. I decided I better go see the doctor and wing it from there. The longer I took thinking things over the longer Mac lay there suffering.

Giving MacCready one last glance as I headed out of the safe room and to the door leading outside I felt a heavy sense of dread. I tried to keep my mind away from any dark thoughts and stepped out into the light of day. The sunlight was blinding and it was actually quite windy out. As I walked headfirst into the strong gusts I double checked my pockets for the meager caps I had to work with. I worked my hand down into the pouch and nervously fiddled with them as I limped my way down the makeshift walkway leading toward the center of town. My mind began to wander as I slowly and painfully made my way. Part of me wanted to explain away everything that had been going on with MacCready. The way he looked at me last night, his bright blue eyes gazing at me with such hope and equal pain; the closeness of his lips to mine. And now the contract in his pocket…how could I dismiss that. Something deep inside me was fighting all of this tooth and nail, even if the answer was glaringly obvious. Maybe I was too scared of losing someone again or too scared to put him in the same position. Thinking of how alike we are scared me, but was comforting at the same time. There was also the whole Mac being a guy thing. Now there was some new territory. It was probably the least of my worries, but I wondered if it was new for him too.

Any more thoughts on the matter would have to wait because before I knew it I was walking up to Doctor Sun's "office." The man blankly greeted me as if he'd never met me before. Whatever. I asked him if he had any antibiotics and he looked at me like I was muts. "Pure antibiotics?" He asked. "No the watered down version please," I replied sarcastically. He rolled his eyes at me. I realized I better tone it down and suck up to this guy if I wanted to help Mac. I softened my voice. "Listen Doctor Sun…I ah…I have a friend who has a bad infection. I thought maybe antibiotics could help him." The doctor gave me a sideways look. "You're the guy that mercenary drug in here a while back aren't you? I stitched both of you up. You were basically coated in blood at the time- I didn't recognize you at all." He continued to eyeball me like he didn't trust me. "So where's the mercenary then?" He asked. I really didn't have time for twenty questions. He was starting to annoy me. "Look," I said in the most even voice possible. "That mercenary is my friend and those wounds you stitched up are infected as hell. I need to get some medicine in him." The way this man was looking at me began to make me panic inside. The thought of just robbing him flashed through my head, but I quickly dismissed it. I wondered what was getting into me.

Doctor Sun gave me an exasperated look and pulled a large box out from under a table. "You have to keep injuries like that clean or they get infected very quickly," he began to drone on and on about properly caring for wounds and different medicines that can clear up infections. He was rummaging through the box as he spoke. I listened to him for a bit, but finally cut him off. "What's the cheapest thing you have doc?" He stopped and raised an eyebrow at me. "No caps then?" He asked.

I told him I had some caps, but maybe I could be of some service if I was short. I knew better than to show my hand and spill how broke I was. After all, we still needed to eat. The doctor held out a small syringe filled with blue liquid in the palm of his hand. "Stimpaks already have antibiotics in them, this one just has higher concentrations in it," he said as he placed it in my hands. "I do hope you have something you can pay for this with, but I'm not going to just let your friend go untreated," he said. "Will just one of these be enough?" I asked the doctor. "Yes that should fix him right up and quite quickly I might add," he replied. With those words I felt quite a bit calmer. This guy was so much nicer than I was expecting. I fished ten caps out of my pouch and handed them to Doctor Sun. "Will this be enough?" I asked with the best sheepish smile I could muster. He made a little sigh and accepted the caps. I kinda failed at haggling here, but I was in a hurry at this point. "Only because the mercenary paid me so well the last time," he said as he stuffed the caps in his pocket. That guy was practically throwing caps at me. You must have gotten into some real trouble." I half bit my lip, half bunched it to the side, almost giving a smile. "Yeah you could say that, thanks doc."

We spoke a few minutes longer and he briefly checked my leg, which he thought looked to be healing pretty well. As I left the doctor a part of me wanted to rush straight back to Mac and give him the medicine, but I needed to get some food. I honestly wasn't in the mood to cook anything so I grabbed a few cup noodles and Nuka Colas with the last of our money. I guessed we'd have to sell some gear soon...or maybe there was some junk in that shack we could pawn off. With everything we needed at least for the day purchased I made my way back up to Kellogg's place with nothing but finally getting to eat and fixing Mac up on my mind. The winds were picking up even more and I could feel the humidity rising; a storm would be rolling in soon. I love storms and I hoped Mac would be awake to enjoy it with me.

By the time I got back the sun was barely showing through black clouds and raindrops were slowly beginning to fall, pattering on the tin roof. The day was already waning and with the sun under cloud cover the place was almost pitch black inside. I stood in the doorway and quietly called out to MacCready, hoping he had awoken while I was gone. I got no response so I set our dinner on the bureau in the safe room and began to light some candles. Now that I could see I pulled the medicine out of my pocket and headed over to the bed. He looked to be in a different position than when I left, so that was a good sign. I sat on the edge near his head and quietly said his name again as I felt his forehead.

He was still very hot and his brow was slick. I turned the syringe over in my hands, round and round. The idea of just sticking him with a needle while he slept didn't sit very well with me. It'd probably scare the shit out of him. I frowned and put my hand on his shoulder. "Mac I'm sorry, but we need to get this medicine in you." I pulled the blanket covering his midriff down and wondered where I should stick the needle. I decided on his upper thigh and pulled his shorts up to expose his skin. The rain outside began to turn into a torrent. "Don't punch me Mac," I said as I pushed the needle into his leg.

MacCready opened his eyes and gasped as I pulled the needle from his leg, checking to be sure I got every last bit of antibiotic into him. He coughed a little and I realized he's probably dehydrated. "Hang on I'll get you some water." I told him as I quickly fetched something for him to drink. I sat back down near his head and helped him drink. When he was finished he woozily stared into my eyes. His eyes looked so sad, so blue. I felt my heart soften. "Mac I was really worried," I said as I pulled the blanket back over him. He finally spoke. "Don't worry about me; I was having some pretty nice dreams." He winced and put his hand to his side. "I can feel whatever you pricked me with doing its thing." I wanted to make that remark into a joke, but decided against it. The wind began to pick up and thunder shook our meager surroundings.

I got up and checked out a window. It was quite the storm raging out there. You could hear things being blown into the walls outside. I looked back over at MacCready. "I got some noodle cups, why don't we eat- think you can sit up?" I asked. He gave a little smile and pulled himself up to lean on the wall behind him. I was so relieved to see him sitting up. All the stress of the day began to melt away as I sat next to him with our dinner. "I dunno about you, but I am absolutely starving," I told him as I handed him his share. He opened up his cola and as he began to sip it I remembered what the doctor had said. "You know it's going to be your turn for a bath; we need to get you clean so you don't get an infection again." With these words Mac about spat his drink out and lowered the bottle blushing. "Hey, doctor's orders," I laughed. "When's the last time you cleaned up anyways?" I asked him half mockingly. He looked a little embarrassed and I instantly regretted poking fun at him. He made this clearly fake gruff face. "I haven't had anyone to impress in a very long time," he said in a low voice. "You never commented on it before..." I felt like a total dick. It wasn't my business. "Look I uh, I understand," I said. "Really before I met you I wasn't taking much care of myself. I was totally alone and didn't give a shit. Just having someone around helped me get a grip."

He began to eat his noodles with a forlorn look on his face, so I did the same. The storm continued on outside and I tried to internally enjoy it. When we were done I cleared everything off the bed and stood looking down at him. I couldn't figure out how genuinely hurt he was and how much of it was just pouting...or just one or the other. I figured he's probably just wore out and crabby. What was visible of the sun was already setting and I was honestly exhausted. All that walking on my tore up leg was really tiring. I stood there awkwardly wondering again if he remembered last night and where I should sleep. "Mac I'm...well I'm really glad you're ok," I said as I scratched the back of my head. He gave me a half smile and said "thanks." He looked like he was off somewhere else. I awkwardly shuffled to the mattress in the other room he'd been sleeping on before, glancing at the wooden soldier as I walked by.

I lay there on the mattress for a good while just listening to the rain and thunder, staring up at the random flickers of candlelight and lightning flashes. I don't know how long I was out, but I groggily awoke to the sound of uneven footsteps behind me and the receding storm. I didn't move; my back was facing the footsteps. I felt a blanket get thrown over me, then the mattress slowly compress behind me as Mac crawled under the blanket with me. I could hear him breathing and feel his warmth seeping into the bed with my own. It felt nice. "Storms freak me out," he whispered as he scooched closer to me, resting his face so it was touching the back of my head. I let out a small chuckle and scooted closer to him. Guess he hadn't forgotten last night after all. Doctor Sun wasn't kidding when he said that medicine would work quickly either. This time I let myself smile as I felt some courage building up in me.

I needed to stop overthinking. I found myself almost blurting the words out. "You never elaborated on those nice dreams you mentioned earlier Mac." Oh God, well, that was forward. I was screaming inside. There was no going back from that remark. The room was dead silent. I couldn't even feel Mac breathing. He suddenly moved his lips right next to my ear and spoke in a very deep and low tone, almost with a warm hum in his voice. "What if I was dreaming about you?" I froze and bit my lip as I began to feel intensely warm. He went right for one of my main weaknesses: my ears. He couldn't have known, but the damage was already done. Bravo.

He continued to slowly breathe next to my ear, waiting for my response. I finally replied, "I'd wonder why you were dreaming about your former boss; there's no caps involved there." He let out a small chuckle and lay back down. I had to make a joke, didn't I? I was in too deep now. I felt almost drunk off the warmth he'd left on my ear. Letting out one long breath I rolled over to face him, draping my arm over his chest in one motion. "I'm sorry Mac, I don't know what I'm doing." I half stuttered, half whispered to him. He partially rolled over and brought his face close to mine. "Neither of us ever knows what we're doing," he said. "We're both lost Kav." I brought my face a little closer to his and breathed, "lost together." With my reply MacCready let out the only thing I could describe as a cute giggle. It hit me hard. MacCready is fucking cute. I'd been walling it all up, using excuses- Victoria, fear, none of it mattered. Look how badly injured we were from doing a simple job; we could die tomorrow.

With that thought I placed my hand behind Mac's head and swirled my fingers through his hair. I could barely see, but I could tell he'd closed his eyes. I pulled him toward me, closing the gap between our faces and kissing his lips. He flinched for a brief moment, and then returned my affections in kind. I felt locked in this moment, wondering why I'd avoided this for so long. Long before either of us were wounded; this had been building up for months and I'd always ignored it. Even after last night I was ready to dismiss it. Flashes of me catching him staring went through my mind as I nibbled on his bottom lip. So many things I'd ignored. So many chances missed. Mac broke our kiss and began to laugh almost giddily. "I thought maybe I was wrong about last night!" He blurted out between giggles.

That dork always laughs when he's nervous. I found myself smiling again. MacCready is so damn cute.


	7. Chapter 7

The night had passed in a blur, which I lamented greatly. Kissing MacCready had lifted a weight from me that I could not have fathomed. Feeling his lips on mine, seeing how absolutely happy that moment made him...it overshadowed all the terrible things I'd seen. And God had I seen some shit. Rifling through another dilapidated dresser I wondered if anything in this run down shack could make us some caps. It was already turning into the afternoon and I was almost done digging through this whole place. I had been as quiet as possible to let Mac rest up. He may act tough and the antibiotics may have helped him a lot, but he still had some very bad wounds that needed to heal. I was sure he'd be angry with me for exerting myself, but we needed caps if we wanted to eat.

Pulling open the last drawer I dug around and found a locket. Inspecting it further though, it was beyond selling- rusty and falling apart. With a frustrated sigh I tossed it back into the drawer with a clank. I was startled by the sound of Mac's voice behind me. "I hope you'll be that rough with me sometime." He was still lying in bed and had the blanket pulled to his chin with a sly look on his face. I was definitely blushing and turned my head away in embarrassment. "Anyways," he said, "I already cleaned this place out when I first brought you here Elliot." Fucking dammit...what a waste of time. I kicked the drawer shut and flopped onto a tore up recliner near the mattress Mac was lying on.

I put my elbows on my knees and rested my chin in my palms as I stared at MacCready, openly perturbed. "I just spent like 2 hours scouring this shit dump," I scowled. MacCready lowered his chin and made his eyes big while pouting his lips. "That's so sad Elliot," he said in a taunting voice. Those eyes would be the death of me. I pulled myself up out of the chair and walked up to the bed, peering down at Mac. "What do you suppose we're gonna do for food smartass?" He made a face like he was hurt and said, "I have some caps over in my duster." I began to laugh. "What's so funny?" He asked me. I began to laugh harder. "No we're broke as hell if that was all of our money. I spent it on your medicine and our dinner last night." I said. "Damn...I guess that makes sense," he said as he reached to grab my hand. I dodged away and gave him a sarcastic look. "We'll figure something out. In the meantime I have a surprise in store for your dirty little behind." I said tauntingly.

Mac propped himself up on one elbow and stared at me. "A surprise? For me?" He said in an almost sarcastic tone. I chuckled to myself at the thought. I was either a genius or he was going to hate me. Guess I would find out. The first thing I did when I woke up was hobble over to the Diamond City security headquarters. It was the only place in the city I could remember seeing showers that looked like they might work. I figured I had to one up him on the hot bath he gave me the other day. I narrowed my eyes at him. "Yeah well, the surprise is assuming you can walk somewhere; think you can manage?" I teased. Mac's eyes lit up and he grinned. Any type of challenge usually got him going. He was like a kid in so many ways.

I reached down and grabbed his hand, helping him up off the bed as I spoke. "It's not a very long walk at least." He began to head toward his duster, but I stopped him. "There's no need for that right now MacCready- just get some pants on and we can head out." He dressed himself while I fidgeted near the door. I didn't know why I was so nervous, but I was. I hoped he couldn't tell. Once Mac was dressed we made our way outside. There were huge puddles of rainwater everywhere and lots of debris strewn about from the previous night's strong winds. MacCready whistled. "That was some storm last night." He followed it with a wink in my direction and I chuckled.

The security area wasn't too far and MacCready realized where we were headed pretty quickly. "Why on Earth are you taking me to Diamond City Security?" He asked with raised eyebrows. I made a zipping motion on my lips and smiled as we walked through the entrance. We hadn't walked too far in when one of the guards greeted us. The guy already knew why we were here and of all the amazingly ridiculous things to do he gave me a fist bump, then turned to the other guards in the area and gave them a motion with his head to come on and follow him. I laughed and shook my head as everyone else filed out to other room, leaving us alone. MacCready just kept glancing from me to the guards with a dumbfounded look on his face. "What the heck is all this Kav?" He asked with a huff.

I savored his confusion for a moment, but didn't leave him hanging too long. Leading him to the back of the room he finally realized what was up. An entryway into a locker room lay ahead of us and a few of its showers were in sight. He let out a half laugh half groan and leaned his forehead on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him, then turned him around and led him into the locker room by his shoulders. "It's time for both of us to move on." I said in a low voice. "Wash it all away." I could feel his shoulders trembling under my hands. I wasn't sure what made me say that, but it was too late now.

When we got to the locker I'd put our supplies in, we stopped in front of it and Mac turned around. He looked up at me with pained eyes. "Everyone we've loved is gone," he said as he moved closer to me. I nodded slowly, letting him speak. "I never thought I'd find someone who gave a crap about me again...and here you are taking care of me," he said in almost a whisper. "I really thought I'd just let myself die once I lost Duncan too." A few tears ran down his cheeks and he was quivering as he spoke, leaning into my chest. I put my arms around him and breathed in deeply. "This is a new start for us," I said. He looked into my eyes again. "Elliot I'm so scared of losing you; I always have been. I'm never going to let anything happen to you again." He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed like he was trying to keep me from blowing away. "Everything will be fine as long as we stick together," I said as I squeezed him back. "Remember you said that to me once." I felt his nod of agreement against my chest and hoped neither of us would regret the statement.

It was still almost unbelievable to feel someone close to me again, touching me like this. It was something concrete, like an anchor. I slowly guided him to sit on a long bench behind us and then I went and turned all but a few of the lights in the room out, leaving the room dim. "Mac, why don't we get you in a nice hot shower?" I said as I pulled a duffel bag out of the locker and sat it on the bench next to MacCready. "I bet you're even more handsome all cleaned up," I smiled and said shakily. He gave a tiny smile back and looked away in embarrassment, then said "only if you get in with me."

I tried to hide how pleased I was to hear him say that. I wasn't trying to push him at all, but I was definitely hoping for this reaction. Mac began to peek through the bag and I didn't stop him. He pulled out a few towels and set them aside. Next a few packs of snack cakes. He looked up at me as he held them. "Where'd you get these!?" He asked me with a big smile on his face. His mood was doing a one eighty and the tears on his face had dried. I crossed my arms. "My little secret. Just one of the perks of being muh...my...ah...well." I completely fumbled over my own words like a jackass. "Your boyfriend?" he interrupted with an expectant look on his face. His words hung there in the air, heavy but sweet. I leaned toward him and took his hand in mine. "Gross, if you say so," I said as I planted a kiss on the back of his hand and grinned uncontrollably. He pulled me down to his level and gave me a long kiss on the lips. I was definitely getting a chubby.

I broke free from the kiss and nodded at the bag. "Keep going, there's more," I smiled. He pulled out an unopened bottle of rum and read the label. "This is some nice sh-stuff Elliot; should I even bother asking where you got it?" I shook my head a resounding no and took the bottle from him. Tilting it toward him I gave Mac the best sneer I could. "We have the matter of a tiebreaker to attend to," I taunted. "The question is do we drink now or after the shower?" I asked him. Mac made an exaggerated face like he was thinking really hard, then swiped the bottle back from me and opened it up. "What a stupid question," he said as he went in for a swig. I could feel my eyes get big. This was all going really well. I didn't know what I'd been worried about. I've always been so much better at ice breaking with some drinks in me though.

Taking a seat next to Mac on the bench I motioned for him to hand me the bottle of rum and took a big drink. Damn that was some smooth rum; strong as hell too. Those guards hadn't skimped and I'd repay them big for it. I silently thanked them and took another long dreg, then handed it back to MacCready. I was already starting to feel buzzed as I watched Mac take a few more large gulps. That boy can drink. When he handed it back I swung my head back and took a huge chug, then slammed the bottle down next to me. MacCready motioned for me to hand it back to him, but I didn't want us to just pass out again like last time. "That's enough for now," I half slurred. What the hell was in this stuff? Mac made a pouting face and put his arm around my shoulder. I nuzzled the side of my head against his and he jerked his hand down and grabbed the rum, taking a quick swig before I could react, rum dribbling from the corners of his mouth.

I snatched the bottle back from him and set it farther away. "You're asking for trouble you little shit," I told him. He laughed and rested his hand on my leg. I remembered I was getting hard a little while ago, but now my cock wasn't doing much and it worried me. I wondered if I should bring it up or just see what happens. I didn't have time to think it over because Mac was getting up. "Well, let's get this over shall we?" He said. Dude didn't have to tell me twice. I stood up next to him and began to awkwardly pull my pants off. I had almost zero balance and my leg felt really stiff. MacCready turned and steadied me with a smirk, then slowly began to pull my shirt off. When it got over my face he stopped and I just stood there feeling like a total idiot- arms in the air and totally blind.

I guess I was already too drunk or too stupid to realize his game as he began to lightly kiss my neck and work his way down my chest with more tiny light kisses. It felt amazing and I began to relax, letting the rum take hold and numb my mind. When he got to my pants he hesitated for a brief second and then began to undo my belt and open my fly. I was starting to get excited; I felt like a teenager about to get laid for the first time. He slowly began to pull my pants down, kissing along my hip bones, down my leg. He sat me back down on the bench and finished yanking my pants off, and then there were no more kisses, no noise at all. I sat there with my face covered and my arms limped forward wondering if I should pull the shirt off my head. Just as I was about to do so Mac grabbed my shirt for me, slowly peeling it off my arms and head. When I regained my vision my reward was MacCready standing there before me stark naked and biting his lip. "Fuck MacCready," I exhaled the words on a long breathe between my gritted teeth.

I could see in his eyes he was drinking me in, waiting for me to remove my underwear. I began to take them off as he watched intently, wavering a little as he stood. The rum must have been hitting him too. His dick didn't show it though; it was beginning to get stiff. I tossed my underwear to the ground as I stood up; my cock was a little hard, but not at all where I would have expected for how turned on I was. Mac looked me up and down with hazy eyes, pausing for a long moment on my dick. His eyes got bigger and then he narrowed them. "I'd only seen it from far away," he half smiled. "I thought it looked big." I moved a little closer to him and tilted my head to the side quizzically. "What do you mean?" I asked him. He got a look on his face like he realized he's spilled something he shouldn't have, but now it was too late. "Fu…frick Elliot," he stammered, still curbing his swearing. "Well you're a guy, you know how it is. I checked you out with my rifle scope a few times while you were changing." He looked a little embarrassed, but I thought it was fucking hot. I knew it. I knew he'd liked me for a long time. I pictured Mac hiding up in some bushes somewhere peeking at me undressing through his scope. The image was so sexy; I wondered if he touched himself while he watched. I'd never seen his dick, but it seemed to be a fair size- maybe about six and a half inches, not too thick. I'd hope mine wouldn't be too big for him at almost 8 inches, but he looked pleased.

By now my cock was raging hard. "Sneaking peeks huh?" I said in a tauntingly stern tone as I walked toward him, forcing him to back into some lockers. "All you had to do was ask," I grinned. He glanced down at my erection and looked a little intimidated. I felt my cock throb and grow even harder. Pushing myself up against him I roughly put one hand up on the locker near his head and began to kiss his neck. He let out a long "ohhhhhooo," then grabbed my cheeks and pulled my lips to his, kissing me hard. I could feel his dick grow stiffer against my leg. I pulled my head back and looked at Mac as I panted. "This is fucking hotter than I could have ever imagined," I said aloud. The rum was making me honest. He began to pull me back toward him, but I stopped him and grabbed his hand, leading him toward a shower. It had more room than a normal shower and was recessed into the wall. I wished it had a tub, but it would do.

I pulled Mac inside with me and started the water, letting it get nice and hot. I got under the water and it felt like heaven on Earth. Mac stood back swaying a little and watching me enjoy myself, but I wasn't having any of that. I pulled him toward me saying "someone's gotta get your dirty little ass clean." He made a cringing face as the water washed over him and I pulled him close to me. I wrapped my arms around him and held his face to my neck, shielding it from the water. God was he ever dirty, a torrent of brown water washed down the drain and just kept coming. I reached over and grabbed a bar of soap and lathered my hands. I began to slowly rub my hands all over his body, re-lathering them when I lost all the suds. When I reached his ass I squeezed hard, kneading it with my fingers. He let out a little groan. "Maybe this isn't so bad," he said in a husky voice. "I'll get you addicted to showers," I replied.

With a chuckle I kissed his lips as I continued to massage his ass cheeks. They were small, but toned. I loved the feeling of my slippery hands on his skin. He suddenly pushed my back against the wall, lifting his knee up and resting it against my left hip, leaning his erection into my inner thigh. He reached his hands behind me and began to massage my ass too. As he did this I let go of his butt and pushed his knee down off of me. I lathered my hand and quickly rubbed the soap up and down my cock. Mac watched as I did this and looked absolutely turned on. He let out a little yelp as I pulled him up and against me. Being five foot eleven and having a few inches on him I had to hunch over him just a little. I pushed our erections against each other, pressing them together between our stomachs. I groaned as I grabbed his hips and began to grind my pelvis against his, my cock throbbing against his, slipping past it and then back up against it again. I wanted to fuck him bad, but I didn't think either of us was ready for that yet. This alone was amazing anyway and I wondered if I would ever get used to the touch of another person. It was like electricity- lightening running through my body. The sensation of another person against me was enough to drive me insane. The feeling of his bare skin against mine…it was almost like I'd never touched another person before.

I felt like I was going to explode. This was like a sensory overload for me. We continued to grind on one another and I began to groan and bite at MacCready's neck, his lips, his shoulders. I soaked in every bit of him. I felt like I was going to hyperventilate and the hearing was leaving my ears, the water a muffled cacophony. "I need to fucking come; Mac I need to fucking come," I moaned loudly. Before he could even react I was doing just that- my dick convulsing and hot semen spurting out all over our stomachs. "Fuuuuuck Mac." My heart was racing a mile a minute and my head was numb, but I felt like I was on a cloud. He took a step back from me and stood there panting; he looked really pleased, but I wasn't about to let this be the end.

I took his shoulders and turned him around to face the wall, pushing him against it with my body. He let out a startled moan as I began to slowly stroke his dick from behind. He pushed one of his hands up against the wall and leveraging his ass back against my cock he began to grind on me. I grinned to myself. "I love your ass." I told him as I began to stroke him even slower, playing with the head of his cock. Mac twitched and let out a groan; he had stopped panting, but I was determined to make him lose his mind, even beg.

MacCready tried to turn around to face me, but I wouldn't let him. I let go of his dick and began to massage his balls. My leg was hurting, but I ignored it. This was way too hot to stop. The shower was inundated with steam, but I wondered how much more hot water there could be. I decided to let him turn around after all and stopped massaging him. Before he could fully turn around I lowered my mouth to his ear and whispered in a slur, "You're so fucking hot MacCready." He finished turning around and had a big goofy grin on his face. I got as close to him as I could while still being able to play with his dick. I began to lightly tease up and down his shaft with my fingers. "I bet you want to come," I breathed at him. He bit his lip and nodded. "I wonder how long you can last though," I said as I grasped his dick roughly. He flinched and gave me a deep kiss as I began to slowly stroke him again.

This went on for quite a while. I'd slowly build him up and he'd begin to breathe faster and faster. I was doing my best to learn his queues and when I felt he was getting close to climaxing I would stop. The more times I did this the louder he would groan and pant. This time he began to quietly moan and buck against my hand. I stopped as abruptly as I could and lightly trailed my hand from his cock, up his little happy trail, up his stomach, his chest and neck. I put my thumb on his chin and pulled him in for a kiss; I grabbed his cock with my other hand at the same time and began to furiously stroke him. This was turning me on so much I began to groan into his mouth and bite his lower lip. I couldn't hold him or I back anymore and he threw every profanity a person could think of out of his mouth as he came, then he fell into my arms, a shuddering mess, his chest heaving.

By now the water was getting cold, so I shut it off as Mac continued to lean on me. "Th…that was amazing," he said shakily. "And look you're even clean," I told him with a laugh. He smiled up at me, completely exposing his poor beat up teeth. He always tried his best to hide them, but now he didn't seem to care. Seeing rotten teeth as a sort of endearment was kind of weird, but I knew it meant he was really opening up. "We should probably get out of here," I told him as we left the shower and grabbed our towels.

We sluggishly dried off and as we were starting to get our clothes on a man burst into the locker room yelling "who let you two in here!" It was the chief of security and he was pissed. We grabbed everything we could and ran out, still stark naked with some wadded clothes covering our bits. I looked at Mac's feet as he ran ahead of me. Well, he had some socks on. I began to laugh maniacally as we ran toward the exit leading out to Diamond City and the guards near the door began to whistle and clap as we ran by.

We stopped once we got outside, slamming the door behind us. Mac looked like he was going to die of embarrassment and was holding his side. Maybe we shouldn't have run. "You ok?" I asked him as we stood hunched over and panting. He nodded and began to pull on his pants. I looked through what I had grabbed- no pants, but I had my underwear and the rest of the rum. I pulled the underwear on and looked over at Mac. He was holding up a red and white varsity jacket and looking it over. "Guess I grabbed someone's jacket," he smirked. "Pretty cool…but way too big for me." He flipped it so it was facing me and pointed at the letter stitched onto it. "Check it out though Kav, M for MacCready!" He grinned and tossed it to me. "I bet it'd look pretty good on you." He smiled and scratched the back of his head, looking me over as I put it on. "Fits pretty good," I smiled.

What a pair we were as we half limped half walked back to our ramshackle home: Mac in just his green pants and socks with no shirt; me in tighty whities and a varsity jacket. We passed by a few people, who rightfully stared, but luckily not many people were out on this side of town.

When we got to our door Mac stopped me and gently grabbed the sides of my head. I closed my eyes as he pulled me into a kiss, then still holding the sides of my head he moved my face back a little and looked into my eyes. I wrapped my arms around his midriff and as I looked back into his eyes this feeling welled up in my heart. I felt like I was going to choke or cry- maybe both. Then the words just came out. "I love you MacCready."


	8. Chapter 8

I had to go and ruin the day. I cursed myself under my breath as I sat and watched MacCready sleep. I should have waited a day or two more before I put all that strain on him. Drinking was probably the dumbest idea I could have ever come up with and then running through security. It was way too much for the guy. I played it over and over in my head as I watched the waning light from the window slowly pass over Mac's resting form; the shadows growing longer and longer as the sun set. He looked peaceful, like he was resting well and that helped relieve me a little. I couldn't lie to myself as I studied his face; today had been amazing and my brain was already plying at new avenues to explore with him. All of this was so new and exciting. I hoped he felt the same way.

My mind went back to what I had said before he passed out. The words just spilled out- telling him I loved him. He looked so surprised as his blue eyes lit up and this huge smile stretched across his face, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he tilted his head to the side. He opened his mouth to speak, but instead of words coming out he crumpled to the ground like a sack of potatoes. I had drug him inside and got him onto the mattress in the main room. It all ran through my head in slow motion as I sat frowning and fidgeting with my wedding ring.

This simple gold band; I just couldn't shake it, couldn't let Victoria's ghost go. I knew now as I spun the ring around my finger why Mac had given me that little wooden soldier. He was doing his best to let his wife go while telling me how important I was to him. There I was ever oblivious, a total doofus. I'd known it held significance, but I'd been so wrapped up in everything going on at the time I hadn't put much thought into it. Preston had just asked me to take on the role of the Minute Men's general and I had just hunted down Kellogg and slit his throat after getting all the information I could from him. There was so much on my mind. I realized I still hadn't given the Minutemen my answer, but quickly dismissed the thought. It wasn't something I wanted to worry about right now. My head was splitting, presumably from the rum.

I rubbed the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger and sighed as I pulled myself up to go light some candles. Walking into the safe room to find a lighter I stopped and studied the wooden soldier on the bureau. It still had flecks of my dried blood on it and I picked it up to scrape them off with my fingernail, my motions rising in rapidity as I felt a deep frustration grow within me. After getting the majority of it off, my hand slipped and I dropped it on the floor with a loud cracking noise that echoed through the shack. It rolled out of the room and as I followed its path with a stoop I bumped straight into MacCready's legs as he stood there, still shirtless.

"Damn Elliot!" He whined.

He picked up the soldier and handed it to me with an overly exaggerated wince on his face. I could almost see the smile he was stifling.

I hadn't even heard him get up I was so lost in thought. It was such a relief to see that he was fine though. I realized I was just standing there holding the soldier and staring at MacCready with my mouth hanging wide open. He closed the gap between us and gently rested his head on my shoulder. He was a little shaky, but not as bad as I was expecting. It seemed he was already getting pretty comfortable with me, which was nice to realize. I still had this nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach like I was thirteen or something.

"What the heck happened to me?" He asked. "I think I blacked out."

I wrapped an arm around him and pulled his forehead to mine with a smirk. "You fainted at the sight of me in my undies if I recall."

MacCready took his head from my shoulder and rubbed his eyes with the top of his fists as he yawned. "Damn I'm pretty hungry Kav." He completely ignored my joke, that fucker.

"Lucky for you I ran out and swiped us some food while you were out," I told him. I knew he had no problem stealing; he always seemed to get a thrill out of it, but I always felt a little guilty. The more I did it though, the less I cared.

"Damn, we really are out of money huh?" He was grinning and biting his lip. "So what did ya get?"

"Just some vegetables, but it's better than nothing eh?" I began to turn so I could go grab the sack of stolen food, but MacCready grabbed my hand to stop me. "I thought you just said you were hungry Mac- what is it?" I said it like I cared if we ate right now, but all I could really think about was his touch. His hands sent electricity through me, always making me feel warm. I realized his hand was cupped over the little soldier still in my hand. He leaned his forehead back against mine as he gently took it from my hand and slipped it into my jeans pocket. I noticed his face was beginning to flush.

"I never..." He stopped and let his words linger mid-sentence as he looked into my eyes, then down at his feet. He brought his eyes back up to my face and began to slowly trace his fingers along my jaw and down my neck. The feeling sent a shiver through me; I adored it. He spoke again. "I nev...I never got to tell you Elliot." He looked so nervous, furrowing his brow. It was adorable. He slowly brushed his face up next to mine, cheek to cheek, nuzzling his nose next to mine, our beard stubble scraping together. His breathing was slow and steady, almost hypnotic. He finally breathed the rest of his sentence out with almost a sigh. "I love you too Elliot."

Those words...nothing else in the world mattered as he said them to me. They were like a wave washing over me and the world around us melted away into obscurity. I was gripping my arms around him, almost clawing into his skin like he would disappear otherwise. I buried my face into his neck as he gripped me back. "For the first time in my life I'm happy," he spoke into the side of my head, his lips in my hair.

I squeezed him even tighter and found my fingers touching the wedding ring on my other hand. I tightly shut my eyes as the thought began to form in my mind. Maybe it was time for me to let go too. Victoria had been dead for longer than I may ever know. I began to slip the ring off behind Mac's back. Was this morbid? It felt right and I knew I didn't ever want anyone else. Things had begun to move so fast once we knew each other's feelings, but in this new world it seemed everything moved fast. This was less than a romantic setting, but I felt like this was the time...the moment. I clutched the band in my fist, fighting the idea of tears.

"MacCready...listen..." My voice wavered badly; God I'm bad at this stuff. I let go of him and took a step back as he moved his hands to my hips. I studied his face; he had a small look of concern and a twinge of guilt passed through me for worrying him. "No no." I said reassuringly as I took his left hand off my hip, holding it between my own. As I raised his hand between us I slipped the ring from my hand into his. A look of realization quickly shot across his face as he felt what I had given him. Getting down on one knee seemed ridiculous and out of the question so I rested my hands across his sides and looked him in the eyes. "Mac, I um...well, I always want to be by your side. I want you to have this."

"Kav I don't know if..."

I cut him off. "My wife is in the past. She would want both of us to be happy. Isn't that why you gave me the soldier?"

He slowly nodded as he moved the ring around in his hand, between his thumb and fingers. "Are you sure you want me to have this? I really don't think I could take this from you." He stared at the ring with a slight frown. "Don't you still love her?"

I moved my hands down to his little hips and squeezed. "We both loved our wives…but they're gone now." My heart was racing. "Are you going to make me put it on you? I'm not good at this stuff Mac."

A tiny smile played across his lips as he studied my eyes. It was as if he was looking for an answer to a silent question. I was sweating at this point. This was so hard, but I knew what I wanted. I'd of given him my ring whether or not he'd given me anything first and I knew it. I wrapped him in a hug, pulling the side of his head against mine as he put his arms back around me.

"Please take it Mac, I mean it," I gently spoke into his ear. "I want to protect you."

He let out a heavy breath and I could feel him move his hands behind my back, finally putting the ring on. He was trembling. "E...Elliot." He pulled back from me and looked at my face then brought me back into a tight embrace. "The next time this ring comes off...I'll be dead. I'll never leave your side."


	9. Chapter 9

The day was already coming to an end, the waning sun lighting the sky a crimson red. As I watched MacCready line a raider in his sights I silently wished there had been a better way than this to make some money. I continued to lose myself in thought even as Mac bucked off a loud shot, ending yet another man's life. The raiders were all scum anyways. I began to picture the day before- giving Mac my wedding ring, just lying there together in silence until we fell asleep. It was still hard to believe everything that had happened. I wondered why it felt like the closer we got the more trouble we found ourselves in. I guess you could call it a coincidence, I mean, it all started with us getting both ourselves shot up. It's all just spiraled down from there. We're good at killing and we definitely needed caps, so here we were. It made sense, I just worried about Mac; he needed more rest. No sick days in the apocalypse. I began to let out a snicker at the thought, but adjusted my sunglasses and shook the thought from my head instead. Mac wouldn't even get that fucking joke.

I watched, but didn't watch as MacCready slowly scanned below us and dropped another aider with a loud crack of his rifle. We were lying on our stomachs on a roof east of Diamond City. I didn't really care to pay close attention to the ruined city; remembering what it used to look like could really mess with my head. MacCready suddenly cut the silence. "Yo come back down to Earth Elliot."

I snapped from my thoughts to Mac twisting on his side to face me. "Fat lot of help you're being," he told me with an annoyed look on his face.

I let out a long sigh and rubbed my forehead with the tips of my fingers. "I'm sorry Mac..."

He set his rifle to his side. "I know being stealthy and sniping isn't your thing, but we're both still healing. We really need be careful Kav." He furrowed his brow and stared at me with a tiny frown on his lips. I caught myself admiring him. How did I stand this before we were together? It killed me.

I rested my chin on my fist and closed my eyes. He was right. The last time we were on a job we got backed into that booth because I didn't want to sneak around. I still hadn't told him I was never in the military. I guessed he'd always assumed I was because that ship of crazy robots had let us aboard, addressing me like I was a soldier. I've preferred cracking skulls and using a shotgun because my aim is shit. I'd been real lucky so far and had managed to talk my way out of a lot of shit. I knew I would have to fess up soon though...maybe let him teach me to shoot from a distance. Now wasn't the time though. I opened my eyes back up and put my hand in his. "I'll pay better attention Mac, I'm sorry."

"It just really helps to have a spotter when we have an almost 360 degree view up here." He grabbed his rifle and checked his scope one more time. "We either got them all or whoever's left ain't comin out any time soon." He set his gun back aside and rolled into a sitting position next to my head. "We should turn in for now; the sun will be gone soon. Then we can go down and loot in the morning."

I sat myself up as well. "Yeah yeah I know the drill Mac." I knew why he was being so methodical, but I missed the lighthearted attitude he often had when we were out scavenging before. I briefly leaned my forehead against his. "Let's find a spot for the night then."

I got to my feet and then grabbed Mac's hand to help him up. His grip felt safe and warm in contrast to this breezy roof and I left my hand lingering in his. He shuffled himself closer to me and put his arm around my shoulder accompanied by a goofy fake cough. This man was such an absolute dork, but that was ok. In this moment, facing out over the city, I really was forced to look. It had its own still beauty about it, but it mostly just looked dead. For people like MacCready though...this was all they knew. I didn't know if that was a tragedy or a blessing; probably the latter. I wondered what he would think if he saw a city that wasn't ruined. The thought made me sad; I wanted more for him.

As if he could read my thoughts Mac gave me a squeeze and let go of me. "Let's get out of here and make camp," he said as he motioned his head toward the fire escape. I nodded and began to pull my jacket back on. It suited me and Mac really seemed tickled that there was an M on it, so I'd kept it. I realized it was nice to see him back in his cap and duster after all those days in that shack as well. It just felt right.

We gathered our things and made our way partially down the fire escape and then across some rickety boards to the adjacent building. I doubted any of the raiders had survived or knew where we had been shooting from, but better to be safe. We began to make our way up the next building's fire escape, checking doors as we went. By the third door I was beginning to get a little annoyed and wished one of us was in enough shape to kick it in. That would probably mangle both of us, so we pressed on. I really didn't want to sleep on the roof so when the next door wouldn't budge I took my baseball bat and smashed the door handle in. I looked back at MacCready and gave him a smirk. "That's how you do it."

Mac's eyes widened a little and he shook his head at me. "Yeah yeah Kav, let's get inside."

The door had led to a narrow hall filled with debris and littered with what looked like bones in the dim light. I turned my pip boy light on and bathed in a green glow we began to pick our way over to the next door. It was definitely bones; they crunched sickeningly loud beneath our feet no matter how gingerly we stepped. Pops and cracks echoed through the hall as we walked and I began to grit my teeth.

"We could sleep in here," I joked. I've always made jokes when I'm uncomfortable and I supposed it's a fair moment to feel that way. It was a little exciting too. To the people of the present day these buildings may as well have been empty all along, but for me it felt like I was breaking and entering. It was a kind of rush every time we dug through one of these places. My stomach twisting in knots as my mind almost expected to be caught and punished for trespassing. It was getting easier though. I figured the feeling would fade in time.

Mac nudged the small of my back with his elbow. "Real cute Kav. Keep an eye out for stuff we can hock for caps while we're in here."

I let out a little chuckle. If there was one thing I'd gotten good at in this new world it was digging treasures out of the rubble. The fact that I used to live in the world we were poking through probably gave me a good sense for it I guessed. Now was not the time to be lost in thought though. I brought my attention to my surroundings and once I reached the door I placed my ear to it, listening for any signs of life on the other side. I couldn't hear anything at all and turned my head to tell Mac we should be clear to go through.

As my head turned I found my face ramming straight into Maccready's. He'd snuck up right behind me and I hadn't heard a sound. I began to pull my head back and tell him what an asshole he was, but he stopped me short by wrapping his arms behind me and grabbing my ass while he gave me a kiss. So much for serious Mac. My brain wasn't sure how to handle itself. I was pretty on edge sneaking through this bone littered rubble with the sun going down, but those lips. With a little reluctance I kissed him back, but that just spurred him on and he pressed my back to the door with his body, kissing me harder. Oh man, was I going to have to be the responsible one here? I was definitely getting a boner and I hated to cut him off, but we needed to clear this place out for the night. I didn't know what got him going from overly careful to making out with me in some horror movie hallway. It was hard to not give in as I felt his cock growing hard against my leg.

I gently pushed him back. "Hey we gotta go check this place out..." He was breathing heavily and peered into my eyes with a clear look of disappointment. I put my hands on his shoulders and sighed. "You're gonna regret getting me riled up like that later..." When I took my hands off his shoulders I deliberately moved closer to him. As I did so I lowered my arms and slightly brushed the back of my hand against his erection. I felt him shudder and he narrowed his eyes at me.

"You're gonna regret getting ME riled up," he said in a low voice as he brushed past me and reached toward the doorknob behind me. "Too bad this place won't have a shower," he muttered as he passed through the doorway.

Damn. I didn't know what had just gotten into him, but it was interesting. He had to bring up the shower. Visions of MacCready naked and wet flashed through my head as I followed him into the building. I needed to get my head back in the game. There could be more raiders in here, or even super mutants. I scanned the room and realized we were in an office. "I bet there's a couch in here somewhere," I said in almost a whisper. Mac nodded as we continued along toward the other side of the room, checking side offices as we went.

After going through the whole floor we barred off the doors on either end and flopped down on a big red leather couch we had come across in what looked to be a reception area. It was absolutely filled with dust, but it beat the hard floor. I began to empty my pockets of what I'd scavenged while we were looking around. We always did this- pulling all our findings out, spreading them between us and comparing. On my side was a handgun, 6 caps, a pack of gum and a gold watch. Mac had found 2 caps, a pack of smokes, a large rusted lapel pin and a pair of glasses. I gave him a smirk. "I definitely won this one."

"Man you always win," he whined as he scooped our finds into one of our bags. He grabbed the pack of cigarettes and opened them up. "Would you look at that- a full pack," he smiled and stuffed it into his pocket, then tried to contort his face back into a pout.

My smirk turned into a grin. "At least I'm good at something," I told him. I scooted closer to him. "Now what did I win?"

Mac's face turned a little red and as he opened his mouth to speak I interrupted him. "You weren't so shy a little while ago," I teased. "I'll have to collect my winnings tomorrow; we need to get some sleep." The truth was I was feeling a little shy for some reason...he looked tired as hell anyways. I started toward our packs to get the sleeping bags, but stopped. "Why don't we have a smoke first? It's been days."

MacCready pulled the pack of cigarettes back out of his pocket and looking way cooler than I'd ever admit to him, grabbed two of them with lips and closed the pack. He gave me a crooked smile with the cigs hanging from his mouth and flipped open his lighter, then took a drag from both of them as he lit up. He took one from his mouth and passed it over to me. When I put it between my lips my insides did a flip flop; I could taste him on the cigarette. That damn tease.

As we sat and enjoyed our cigarettes I realized now might be a good time to bring up my lack of gun training. "Hey, uh…Mac? Wanna talk a minute?"

He slowly blew smoke out of his nose and held his cigarette out between his fingers. "What's on your mind? You can tell me anything Elliot."

I froze and stared at him. My mouth was dry. I felt more stupid than anything. "Well...um, I was hoping you'd forgive me for getting us into trouble...with my fighting."

He raised an eye brow and stared at me as he ashed his cigarette. "What do you mean?"

I bit at my bottom lip and flicked my cigarette to the ground, grinding it with the heel of my shoe. I continued to just stare down at my foot. "Well you know, I uh, I'm not a very good shot Mac." I looked up at his eyes. "I was never in the military. Well, I owned a construction contracting company...it was my dad's. We did a lot of work for the military."

MacCready took another drag from his cigarette and began to laugh. "So that's how you got in that vault huh? They thought you were a soldier?"

I stared at him.

"Elliot do you remember the first few months you hired me? We had gotten a job to clear out super mutants near Goodneighbor and I had set up with my rifle near the building they were in."

I remembered that day. I wondered where he was going with this, but at least he didn't seem mad.

He continued. "I was lining up my first shot, had the green freak in my sights." He took one last drag off his cigarette and flicked it into some nearby rubble.

I nodded.

Mac chuckled and shook his head. "I was about to take my shot, but then my scope suddenly lit up as a Molotov cocktail busted over the mutant's head, setting him on fire." He began to laugh really hard, trying to talk through his chuckles. "Before I could do anything there you were in my sights, running at the mutant with your bat. I was floored."

He was laughing so hard I couldn't help but chuckle along with him a little. "In my defense I beat that super mutants to death, without your help," I boasted.

He finally pulled himself together and wiped the tears from his eyes. "Kav my point is at that moment I knew you weren't a soldier. You weren't a soldier or you were insane...what possesses you to fight up close like that?"

I put my hands over my face. He knew all along. I guess that's good- it made this way easier, but I was still a little embarrassed. "It's just all I know really. The mob used to try and mess with my business...back before the bombs. I'd come at them with a bat sometimes." MacCready's mouth was wide open. "I had a shotgun too, but I never used it. I guess that's how I chose what I fight with now."

"Mobsters Elliot? Are you serious?" Mac's eyes lit up; he looked excited. "That's pretty brave to fight them with a bat."

I laughed as I got up and began to pull our sleeping bags out of our packs. "Yeah maybe I'll tell you about it sometime, but for now let's get some rest." We crawled onto the couch and I turned my pip boy off, bathing us in darkness.

The night drug on and I slept fitfully. The building groaned with every gust of wind and the night got much colder than I had expected. MacCready and I were stuffed together on the couch, big spoon and little spoon with the sleeping bags draped over us, but I was still shivering. My allergies were killing me with all this dust too.

At some point I had finally gotten some solid sleep and I awoke to Mac peeing in some debris nearby. "Ugh man you couldn't wait til we were outside or something?"

He turned his head toward me, still peeing, and grinned. "I had to go!"

What a damn doofus. I packed our stuff up while he finished his business. I slung a pack over my shoulder and walked toward Mac to hand him his. "I can't wait to see all the shit- I mean crap you're gonna make me carry today," he laughed as he threw his bag over his shoulder. "Let's get down there before some scavver picks through our spoils before us."

We headed back down the way we came the night before and followed the fire escape the rest of the way to the ground. I was happy to be outside even if it looked like it might rain. Those ruined buildings could be pretty creepy. As we walked the broken street toward the camp we'd decimated the day before I remembered the conversation Mac and I had last night and felt a little nervous and excited. I slowed my pace and startled to talk. "So...what do you suppose my winnings should be for top scavenging last night? That gold watch sure looks nice huh?"

Mac stopped and turned around to face me with a grin. "Oh I don't know Elliot, don't we have work to do?" He tilted his head to the side and crossed his arms, then raised his eyebrows at me.

"Well gee Mac, if you don't want to have these little competitions anymore...I guess I'll be the reigning champion forever." I shrugged at him as I began to start walking again. When I got near him he began to peer side to side, checking our surroundings. I stopped when I was next to him and laughed. "What are you looking for?"

I watched as his eyes stopped on something behind me and he tried to hide a smirk. "I got your prize Kav." I began to turn around but he had already stepped toward me and began to wrap his arms around my waist. His demeanor changed instantly and he pulled me close to him.

I wrapped my arms around him in return and smiled. "Oho, what do I win then MacCready?" I already liked where this was going. Now that it was day and we weren't in a creepy destroyed building I felt a lot more open to some fun. "I don't like being out in the open like this though."

He pulled me into a short kiss then put his lips on my neck and spoke. "Don't worry we won't be for long." He turned me around and began to lead me forward, his hands on my shoulders. I saw where we were headed and my breath hitched in my throat for a second.

"A Pulowski shelter!?" I was surprised, but found myself more and more intrigued the closer we got to the round blue cylinder. Once we were in front of it Mac punched the keypad and the door slid open with a rusty whine. Luckily this one's advertisements weren't playing, but a skeleton was sprawled out on the floor. It didn't matter where we went, death followed us.

Mac pulled the skeleton out with his rifle and kicked the bones to the side. He looked at me and shrugged. "I don't think he'll mind." He pushed himself up against me and ran his hand through my hair as he finished his statement. I closed my eyes as a shiver went through my body. I've always loved the feeling of hands through my hair. He moved his face to the base of my neck and ran his nose up it; barely touching my skin, then began to force me to walk backwards into the shelter. He got me all the way inside with my back against the wall and then he stole a glance over his shoulder like he was checking to be sure no one was out there. I noticed the sky was beginning to get that electric green tint it always had when a rad storm was rolling in; the wind was picking up too. MacCready didn't seem fazed.

Rad storms could be pretty dangerous. "Mac, maybe we should get inside somewhere and ride out the storm?"

"We're inside a shelter Kav, come on. Don't you want your prize?" He reached over to the panel and hit the button to shut the door, but it jammed halfway. He slammed it with his fist, but nothing happened. Refusing to give up on this little adventure, he began to dig through his pack and pulled out a bottle of Rad-X, opening it and popping a few in his mouth. Before I could protest he shook a few more capsules out and put them in my hand.

"Fine," I said skeptically, "but I hope we don't get sick." I closed my eyes and swallowed the pills with a cringe. Before I could even open them again Mac had pushed up against me and began to run his hands through my hair again.

My mood quickly began to change. This man could get me going like no other person on this planet. We threw our packs to the floor and he began to pull his hat off, but I stopped him with a deep sideways kiss on his lips. "Leave the hat on," I said with a calculated smirk.

MacCready smiled back and blushed. "Ohhh-you like the hat huh?" He pulled it down tighter on his head and pressed my back against the wall even harder. I heard myself let out a grunt as he grabbed onto my belt and pushed his groin against me, grinding. He went back to my neck and began to trail kisses up the side of it and then he stopped at my ear. He started to nibble on it and I knew I was done. At the same time he moved his hand over my already growing erection and began to slowly massage it.

My dick quickly swelled to its full size and it hurt like hell as it throbbed, constricted in my jeans. "D…damn Mac," I said in a barely audible whisper.

I went to take my sunglasses off, but he stopped me. "Leave them on," he told me with a little chuckle and sarcastic smirk as he moved his hand back up to my belt and began to undo it.

I felt my face grow warm. I couldn't believe how excited he could get me just undoing my belt. He felt me up over my jeans one more time and then unzipped my fly and tugged down, spilling my cock out of my pants. He took his mouth away from my ear just to look; he didn't even try to hide it, then he brought his mouth to my other ear and slowly ran his tongue up and down the side of it. He brought his tongue to the very tip of my earlobe and quickly gave me a little bite; this elicited a moan from me. He must have already figured out my ears were my weakness.

The winds outside began to pick up even more, but luckily they weren't blowing in through the door. I didn't need this moment to get interrupted. Mac began to alternate sucking on my ear and lightly biting at it. Every time he would bite he would grab at my cock. He was driving me mad with his teasing. As if he could read my mind he began to squat down and pull my pants down as he went. I could feel his hands tremble a bit as he moved his face in front of my dick. I didn't know if he was nervous or just really excited, but either was fine. I'd probably be shaking too if I were using my hands right now.

MacCready slowly moved his hands up my thighs and back around to my butt, gripping it and pulling my cock toward his face. He gently moved his lips across the tip and then down my shaft, like he was exploring me. The outside world instantly melted away at this sensation. I felt his hot breath play across my balls and let out a soft moan when he flicked his tongue across the head of my dick. He gripped my ass tighter when I moaned and let out a little whimpering sound. I loved that noise he made.

I began to regret telling him to leave the hat on- I couldn't really see what he was doing down there. I reached to take it off him, but he grabbed my hand and looked up at me with a crooked smile on his face.

"Lean your shoulders back against the wall," he ordered me.

I obliged and as I did so he began to pull my legs up over his shoulders, throwing me off balance. I braced my back against the wall at a better angle as he stood up and when he got all the way to his feet I spread my arms out across the wall behind me to keep my balance. After I got myself situated I looked at him and realized I could see his face now. He was breathing heavily and looking at me through hooded eyes. I couldn't believe he had me up in the air like this; it was fucking hot. He braced us with his arms behind me and kept his eyes locked with mine as he began to slowly slide my cock into his mouth. I could see him hesitate as he got about midway down my shaft. I didn't expect him to deep throat me first go anyways.

He got my dick a little further into his mouth and then, very slowly, he began to pull away. When he was almost to the tip he turned his eyes to my dick and began to wildly flick his tongue around. At the very tip of my cock he sucked hard and then let go with a popping noise, making me groan loudly. Just as quickly as he'd taken his mouth away he shoved my dick back into his mouth, this time taking it deeper. He continued to do this, making a rhythm. I silently hoped I'd do this good when I did the same to him; I swear he was making me sweat. I wasn't going to last long and it was probably for the better. I doubted he could hold me up forever.

I must have been right about him tiring out because he shifted himself a bit and began to pick up his pace. I wasn't complaining. Soon the world had gone numb and a fire was creeping through my body toward my groin. I was almost hyperventilating.

"Mac I'm gonna cum," I blurted in a surprisingly gruff voice.

I expected him to drop me down and finish me with his hand, but he picked up his pace even more instead, sucking me off hard. That was the end of the line for me. I bit back a yell, groaning instead. My mind burned and went numb as I unloaded into his mouth, my cock convulsing with pleasure as he slowly removed his mouth. He lowered me down to my wobbly feet and spit out the door.

I leaned myself against his chest and laughed. "I wouldn't have swallowed that either."

He wrapped his shaking arms around me. "I've tasted worse things."

I pulled my pants back on and we sat together on the floor of the shelter side by side as we watched the storm roil in the sky.

"That was a damn good prize Mac."


	10. Chapter 10

The radiation storm had passed without incident, but the day quickly changed from afterglow and sighs to blood and violence. We should have known we hadn't picked off every raider in the camp. Now here I was in this terrible situation. Poor MacCready; I made a silent wish that he would be safe when this was all over. Do anything to me, but let Mac be safe. I figured I'd regret that wish as the raider gripping his arm around my neck continued to yell at MacCready through the wall.

After the radiation storm passed we had headed over to the raider camp to pick through the place and see what we could use or sell for some caps. I played it over in my head trying to focus on anything but the man holding me here. We should have been more careful; should have scoped the place out much longer. We were both still healing and wanted to get this business over with. Go home and rest. Mac stood around the other side of the wall trying to negotiate with this crazed raider. I couldn't believe this guy had managed to get the drop on me, grab me like this.

"You killed them all!" The raider screamed.

I could tell Mac was trying to sound calm, but I could hear the worry in his voice. "That wasn't us man! You think the two of us could kill all these men?" He lied through his teeth trying to placate the crazed man.

The raider tightened his grip around my throat. "I know it was you!"

Mac kept trying. "It really wasn't us. Look we don't have much, but you can have everything we got on us, even my gun, just let my friend go."

My breath hitched when he offered his gun. I knew it meant everything to him. The raider caught me by surprise again, hurling me to my knees and kicking me. He was definitely on something; he was far too strong. He kicked me again. "I should just kill both of you and then take all your shit!" He spit everywhere as he yelled. I waited for my moment. I would take him out; even with all that spiked armor on him. One of us had to take this guy out.

MacCready was silent for a while. I wondered if he had sneaked away and was going to try and get the jump on this guy. There really wasn't any good angle. We were in a small makeshift room, the only way in around a ramshackle wall with no door. The nutjob kicked me again and I let out a yelp despite myself. As I was cursing myself for being weak MacCready loudly tumbled down from above us. He had squeezed between a gap in the ceiling and one of the makeshift walls. If the situation wasn't so serious I would have laughed.

He rolled, quickly picked himself up and lunged toward the raider, but the raider was too fast. Mac tumbled past him, off balance. The raider lunged and grabbed me by the hair and pulled me to my feet. Mac stood watching, breathing heavily, his eyes wild, "fucking let him go!" He yelled. His fists were clenched at his side and he looked angrier than I'd ever seen him.

The raider pulled a knife out of his belt and held it to my throat as he wrestled me in front of him like a shield. "What, you his lover? I should bleed him while you watch," he laughed. My mind began to go numb as I tried to hold back panic. Mac looked like he was going to explode. Before I had time to even form another thought the raider brought the knife up to my eye, the tip dangerously close. My mind began to get fuzzier and fuzzier as fear gripped me. Suddenly half the world turned red and blurry. What was happening? Everything began to move in slow motion. MacCready was screaming something and there was a white hot pain spreading across my face. A loud ringing began to screech through my ears as I realized the raider was plunging his knife into my left eye.

I could feel the blood, so much blood, running down my face, my neck; down my chest. It was so hot. He was cutting my eye out and cackling. The world stopped and my mind drifted to earlier today, when we had sat watching the storm. I pictured Mac setting his hat on his knee and smoothing his hair back. I'd absently looked at the bullets in the band of the hat and asked him why he kept them there.

"One for me...and one for Duncan," he'd said in a low mournful voice.

I'd instantly regretted the question.

"I guess one's for you now Elliot," he continued. He'd put his arm around me and squeezed so hard. I hadn't wanted that moment to end. It flashed through my dulled mind and I felt tears begin to form in the eye that wasn't being mutilated. I was going to die. Just when I thought I could stand to live- I was going to fucking die.

I was so woozy. I heard myself mumble. "Mac...help."

Suddenly, but also so slowly, I felt myself tumble to the ground as Mac lunged forward sweeping both mine and the raider's legs out from under us. I lay there stunned as MacCready grabbed the raider and slammed him on his back next to me. I could barely see what was going on. It looked like he ripped the guy's helmet off. I could barely stay conscious as I heard Mac pummel the man's face. The sickening sound of Mac's wet fists and the raider begging mingled with the ringing in my ears and became a deafening cacophony.

It finally grew quiet; the only sound Mac's labored breathing. I felt his hands on my shoulders. "Elliot, Elliot are you...are you ok!?" He sounded so far away.

I tried to tell him I was ok, but I didn't even have the strength to talk. No words would take form in my mouth.

"I'm gonna go grab some stimpaks; I left my bag out there," he told me as he smoothed my hair away from my forehead. "You're going to be fine Elliot."

As I listened to him quickly head out of the room I began to feel sick. What little vision I had started to turn black, the edges going first, blurring to darkness. One last glimpse. MacCready must be back. Someone above me. I shakily reached up toward the figure and then the darkness was complete.

I couldn't have even been gone a minute. When I returned the room was empty. I saw nothing but the battered and lifeless body of the raider and puddles of Elliot's blood on the floor.

I frantically searched the room. Could he have crawled somewhere? Where was he!?

I noticed Elliot's sunglasses amidst a pool of blood and I put them inside my duster. I fought back tears as his name escaped my lips with no one but me to hear it.

"Elliot."


	11. Chapter 11

I couldn't come to terms with this; couldn't come to grips with the fact that Elliot had just vanished. For over a day I had sat in this room with only the raider I had beaten to death to keep me company. I didn't know what I was doing, waiting? So many things played out in my head. Did the institute nab him? Did they know what our plans had been? I'd stared at the bloodstains where Elliot had laid for countless hours; he had lost way too much blood to just up and run somewhere on his own. Nothing added up at all and it was freaking me out. Someone had to of taken him.

I was going to have to make a move, but where...how? I fidgeted in my duster pocket for Elliot's sunglasses and pulled a bullet from my hat. I sat and continued to stare at Elliot's blood, his glasses in one hand and the bullet in the other. I rolled the bullet around in my hand and between my fingers as my mind filled with images I didn't want to see. I pictured Lucy being torn apart as she screamed my name. Elliot...I could see it there in front of me. I kept reliving it. Watching and feeling helpless- useless as that raider cut his eye out. I could feel my heart crushed as I watched all that blood run down his face. I'd not seen Lucy's eyes when she was killed, but Elliot's...I will never forget the look on his face til the day I die.

My stomach churned even though it was empty. I dry heaved and forced back tears as I tried to shake the images from my head. Seeing Lucy ripped apart by ghouls...I had thought nothing could ever hurt me more that, but here I was more helpless than ever. I'd thought I was lost, gone, a ghost. I think Elliot felt the same way, but we somehow came back front the brink together. We were both doing better God dammit! Self-pity began to wash over me. For the first time in my life I had actually felt happy; Elliot made me happy. The words fell from my mouth, heavy, "I need him." I looked down and realized I'd been gripping the bullet so tightly my hand hurt. As I opened my palm the bullet rolled against the wedding ring he had given me. Bullet and ring blurred together in my vision as hot tears finally began to run down my cheeks. I took a sharp breath and shakily put the bullet back in my hat, his glasses back in my pocket.

I wouldn't give up on him...and that meant not giving up on myself. The first step would be to get out of this raider camp. The thought of leaving the last place I saw him stung, but I couldn't stay here forever. I knew how weak a person could get trying to live off worry and regret. I gave the room one last glance over my shoulder as I left, then headed back to Diamond City. Fact was I didn't know where else to head.

Its blue visage was hard to miss, but I tried not to look when I passed the shelter we'd been in just a few days ago. The trudge back "home" was lonely but fairly quick. We really hadn't traveled too far out and I was thankful for it; my energy was totally zapped. On the upside my head felt a little clearer after getting out of that room, though all that did was make walking into that empty shack alone hurt even more. I stood in the foyer frozen. It felt completely empty to be here, but there was nowhere else to go. At this point my movements didn't even feel like my own; everything felt robotic, unreal. As I headed toward the bed the thought to take off my shoes whisped through my brain, but it didn't spark anything. Our bags and supplies slid off my arms to the floor as I dropped into the bed. It was dark, but my body wouldn't give in to sleep- I just laid there, eyes open and staring into darkness.

Days passed. I sold the loot we had found, picked at some food here and there, but mostly slept or laid in bed. Sometimes I stared out the window for hours. Even smoking didn't work right for me. I found myself lighting a cigarette and leaving it hanging from my mouth, never taking a drag.

Weeks passed. I contacted the Minutemen and asked them to keep an eye out for Elliot- asked them to let me know if they found anything at all. I knew they could see the wild desperation I was feeling, could smell it on me. I was completely lost without him, totally directionless. They said they would see what they could do.

Over a month passed. I sat in Kellog's hovel alone, surrounded by broken furniture. I had snapped the other day, wrecked the place in utter grief. I couldn't find the little soldier I'd given him and I was fixated on it; couldn't let it go. Did he take it with him? Was he grasping it right now, thinking of me? Was he alive...or rotting somewhere with it in his pocket? I couldn't think like that; he couldn't be dead. If he was dead I wouldn't be able to go one anymore. He was the last bit of rope tethering me to the world.

Two months passed. After a bottle of vodka I got it in my head that I better get cleaned up because Elliot could be back any time now. Deep down I knew I was lying to myself, but I needed the lie like I needed Elliot to come back to me. I think the guards felt bad for me when I stumbled drunk into their headquarters, but not bad enough to let me use a shower. They stripped me down and blasted me clean with a hose, then they stuck me in the holding area- said they didn't want me to hurt myself. I didn't care what happened to me. Maybe they were right to lock me up.

I awoke to pitch black and a terrible headache. I was so thirsty. As I groped my hand around on the floor next to my cot searching for the cup of water I'd seen earlier my hand passed over what felt like a shoe. Startled, I yanked my hand back and yelped. I couldn't see anything at all! As I was about to open my mouth to ask who was there they lunged at me- and wrapped their arms around me! I-it couldn't be. "Elliot!?"

The figure let me go and a few moments later the cell was illuminated by the familiar green of a pip boy screen. There Elliot stood; he was alive! I stumbled off the cot toward him. He began to smile, but stifled it when I got close and brought his hand to cover his now missing eye, the socket scarred shut. I pushed his hand away from his face. "That doesn't matter Elliot, you're really alive! What happened? Where did you go?" I was gushing questions at him, but I couldn't help it.

He looked me in the eyes, almost sorrowfully. "MacCready I…"

There was a long silent pause. The world felt like it had stopped and I watched the pip boy's green glow play over the bars of the cell, casting long shadows around us. The shadows wavered as Elliot reached his arm behind him, like he was grabbing something. All my instincts knew this was a man reaching for a gun. My brain couldn't comprehend the idea. Why would Elliot be reaching for a gun?

I took a step toward him and he began to bring his hand out from behind him. In the blink of an eye I watched Elliot's face tear open and explode toward me. Everything went red as blood and bits of his head sprayed across my face. I stood frozen as I watched Elliot's body crumple to the ground before me. My whole body went numb as I stared in disbelief. I wanted to wipe the gore from my face, but I couldn't move, not one bit. His leg was twitching. Oh God. Oh God how could this be happening?

My brain finally registered the person standing in the entryway to the cell. The pip boy was still lighting the area enough to see. It was…it was Elliot? Except his left eye wasn't scarred shut, instead it looked fine…except his pupil was an erratically flickering red light.

My eyes began to roll back in my head. "Wuh…what…?"

He bent his knees a little and put his hands out like he was trying to calm me. "Mac it's me, it's Elliot."

This isn't real. Everything began to spin around me and blackness crept into my vision. I began to throw up and then I was gone.


	12. Chapter 12

I slowly began to sense the world around me. The darkness filling my eyes began to disappear, a fog lifting. I found myself staring up at a familiar ceiling. I was back home it seemed. I guessed I could call it home at this point. No one had kicked me out. There was a loud ringing in my ears and it felt like someone had kicked sand in my eyes. I ground my knuckles into them until I saw floating colors. All the rubbing did was make them itch. My mind was slowly thawing out.

I rolled on my side and winced as pain shot through the back of my skull. I reached back and felt my head; it was badly swollen. The night before rushed back at me as I ran my fingers through my hair and over the lump, testing how hard I'd hit it. The wooziness I was already feeling intensified as images of Elliot's face being blown apart flooded back from my memory. What had I seen? How did I get back here from that cell? I know I passed out, but I must have really been out cold to be carried all the way here and put in bed. At that thought I jerked up and looked around- was whoever brought me here still around?

I scanned around the room, but didn't see anyone, though I couldn't see upstairs or in the safe room. My eyes suddenly came to focus on the stand next to my bed, completely shifting my attention. My hat sat neatly placed facing me, but next to it was what really caught my attention: the wooden soldier. I was stunned. How did it get there? My head was spinning trying to process everything. Was last night a dream, a hallucination? I could still feel the sensation of fleshy chunks spattering my face; it sure felt real. The sickness I felt just thinking about it was real too.

I massaged my temples and stared at this strange little scene. I needed to hold the soldier, know what I was looking at was real. My hand was shaking as I reached out and as I was about to grab it I noticed a scrap of paper peeking out from under my hat. I pulled it out and began to read:

"Mac, I need you to trust me. Burn it all. Make it look like an accident if you can, but it doesn't really matter. Tonight, just burn it and make your way out of Diamond City."

I read the note again, then again, and then one last time- my eyes wide and teary. There was no signature, but it had to be Elliot. The thought crossed my mind that this could all be a set up or me going insane, but what did I really have to lose? I was ready to die if it meant I would find out the truth. I sat up and grabbed my hat from the stand, revealing Elliot's sunglasses. I let a small smile creep across my lips. It had to be him...and I'd personally give him back his glasses and the soldier.

The hours left in the day drug by slowly after I had packed up our belongings. Not that we had a lot of stuff, but I may have gone overboard with what I kept. I was going on the assumption that Elliot was alive though. I had to. I tried not to think about the other options or what I would do if the note wasn't his. This was all in, to hell with the rest.

When the sun had finally disappeared I nervously brought the packs outside and left them near the door. I lit up a cigarette and took a few drags as I eyeballed around the area- didn't see anyone. Good, I wanted to get this done fast. I went back inside and stared down at the mattress I'd just been laying on mere hours ago. I had soaked some rags in oil and left them strewn on it. One more long drag from the cigarette and then I laid it on one of the rags.

I watched the bed slowly begin to burn and felt a twinge in my heart. Elliot and I had shared so much here, but I was being sentimental again. I ran my hand over the little soldier in my pocket and walked back out into the night. It was a stifling hot night and I was already sweating. I pulled a handkerchief up over my mouth and guessed my time in Diamond City was done as I made my way to leave.

When I got to the entrance of the town I realized I had no idea where I was going. The note had just told me to leave, which I did. I stopped and darted my eyes around the nearby buildings, but I didn't even know what I was looking for. I didn't see anything either way and just picked a direction to start walking- my rifle in hand and finger hovering over the trigger.

I hated being out here at night...alone. I felt like a free target as I walked the ruined streets in no particular direction. If I could I hugged the walls of buildings for cover as I made my way, but that wasn't always possible. I wondered if I was being watched. If Elliot had left that note, where was he? If there was a time I needed to keep my head clear it was now; I had to stop scrambling my own brain. The heat was killing me. I pulled the handkerchief off and stuffed it in my pocket. I couldn't breathe with the darn thing on. It was probably a silly thought anyways.

As I walked closely by the wall of what looked to be a church a noise caught my ears; someone humming a song...a very particular song. I froze in place. It was the song that was playing on the radio in The Third Rail when Elliot hired me: Crazy He Calls Me. Conflicting emotions assaulted me as the humming continued. This reminder made my heart ache and race at the same time. I couldn't move and my indecision pissed me off. I was about to ask who was there when a hand grabbed one of my packs and yanked me into the church.

I was on my ass and in complete darkness before I had a chance to do anything. I knew I'd packed too much. I could vaguely make out the silhouette of someone standing above me. I yelled at the dark form, "where's Elliot!?" The person reached their hand down as of to help me up, but I refused and asked again, "I said where's Elliot?"

"Your lover?" They said almost smoothly. It was a man and definitely not Elliot.

I felt my face grow warm and gritted my teeth. "M..my husband you mother f...frick...you know where he is, tell me!" I began to slide the packs off my back and get up. I was ready to fight this person.

A flashlight suddenly lit up the stranger's face and I stopped. "Woah, woah there buddy," he said as he put up his hands, throwing the light from the flashlight around the room wildly. He wasn't wearing anything very identifying, just a white undershirt and jeans. He had swept up black hair and was wearing sunglasses.

I stared at the sunglasses. "Is this a joke?" I asked him.

"No no, not at all. You're the esteemed MacCready I've heard so much about?"

I tensed up at this stranger speaking my name. Did he know Elliot? He must. "How do you know my name? Who are you?"

The man pushed his glasses up his nose and smirked. "Oh man, I'm Deacon and I'm with the Railroad. I thought everyone knew the illustrious Robert MacCready."

I furrowed my brow and let out a sigh, ignoring his jab at me. "You guys are real huh? I don't see any train tracks nearby."

Deacon laughed. "Oh Elliot said you were sarcastic as hell; he wasn't kidding was he?"

With those words veritable lightning shot through my body. I quickly got up, dropping the packs. "Elliot's ok!? Where is he!?" My heart was almost exploding it was pounding so hard; I had to see him.

Deacon didn't answer me; he was just shaking his head and chuckling. I moved closer to him, grasping my rifle at my side. "Please at least tell me he's safe."

"He's fine. Since you were so polite and didn't even try and take a swing at me...I'll take you to him." I could have sworn he had winked at me under those sunglasses.

"You pick that sunglasses at night crap up from Elliot?" I asked him as I grabbed the packs and began to follow him deeper into the church.

"This here's a Deacon original." He chuckled.

I rolled my eyes and shut my mouth, following him down a stairwell in the very back of the room. Part of me couldn't believe what was happening. Was I really going to see Elliot again? I was completely drenched in sweat by the time we got to the bottom of the stairs. I never wanted anything in life more than to see him again. I'd kill this man if this was all a lie-kill him with my bare hands.

Almost like he could hear my thoughts he stopped and turned to me. "You'll see him soon."

I nodded and Deacon turned back around, leading me down a hall dimly lit by flickering strings of light. I could see a door at the end of the hall with a terminal next to it. When we reached it Deacon quickly entered some stuff on the keyboard and the door loudly unlatched.

My heart thundered even harder as we headed through the door, which locked behind us, then headed along a corridor filled with rank pools of water and skeletons. We hadn't gone far when I saw him up ahead. He was hunched over in a chair smoking a cigarette and nervously tapping his foot. He still had the red varsity jacket on, but I had his sunglasses.

I dropped the packs and ran toward him, brushing past Deacon and muttering a thank you. As I got closer I could see Elliot had heard my footsteps. He snapped his head up and a grin spread across his face. That face...that face I never thought I'd see again. He was alive! I was on him before he could even get up. I wrapped my arms around him, squeezed him as tightly as I could. I felt like I was going to hyperventilate.

Deacon's voice echoed down the corridor to us. "Hey Elliot I brought your HUSBAND!"

I froze and could feel myself turn beet red. I awkwardly started spewing words. "Oh...haha...husband...well uh."

Elliot pulled himself out of my grip and stared at me with those beautiful green eyes as he took my hand in his, rubbing my ring with his thumb. "I guess you are my husband huh?"

I felt my heart flutter against my ribs and took the wooden soldier out of my pocket. "This was on the nightstand," I told him as I put it in his hands. "I'd looked all over for it...I." I cut myself short. Now wasn't the time to talk about the darkness I'd just crawled through while he was missing. There were few times in my life that I felt happier; I needed to enjoy this moment.

I pulled him back into a hug and tears began to fall down my face. "I thought you were dead Kav."

He squeezed me and rubbed my back, then moved his hand up under my hat and ran his fingers through my hair. God I missed his touch. I began to lose myself in the moment, running my fingers through his hair in return. I thought I was lost, but now I was home.

Just as I had let myself go and feel content Elliot began to twitch strangely. He fell limp in my arms and started convulsing. Deacon had been sitting with his back to us a little ways down the corridor, but now he came running as I did my best to keep Elliot in my arms.

He jerked to a stop next to us. "Lay him down!" I listened and slowly lowered Elliot down to the ground, his head on my lap. I stared down at him as he continued to twitch, panic and shock spreading through my body.

His convulsions began to slow after a little while and Deacon hovered above us quietly watching. He looked like he knew what was going on, but I was too preoccupied to ask him any questions. I needed to make sure Elliot was ok before anything else; needed him to stop twitching and say something to me. I needed him to tell me he was alight.

I studied Elliot's face in the dim light as I stroked his hair and suddenly caught a small red flicker in his left eye. I remembered what I had seen before I passed out last night and stared at his eye...his eye that shouldn't be there. I'd been so caught up with seeing him again the fact that his eye looked almost totally normal had escaped me. He had some small amounts of scarring where he'd been cut, but besides that he looked fine. I watched that raider take his eye. This wasn't right.  
His eye flickered a brighter red this time and in unison with a strong convulsion. I gritted my teeth and looked up at Deacon. "I'm going to need some answers."


End file.
